Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
by StarFox7
Summary: With the war against the reapers reaching the boiling point, it's now or never for Commander Shepard and her squad. She's done all she can to unite the galaxy for the final battle on Earth, but will it be enough? Rewrite of the ME3 ending.
1. Chapter 1: Tooth and Nail

***SPOILERS contained in this story for the ending of ME3***

**1. Tooth and Nail**

"There's too many of them!" Garrus shouts, slinging his sniper rifle over his back before equipping his assault rifle with incendiary ammo.

"Shepard, they're trying to flank us from the left," Liara warns in between shots at the incoming swarm of husks and cannibals with her heavy pistol. The warp ammo stopping the husks, but only slowing down the cannibals.

Commander Shepard hurls a grenade in their direction, resulting in a splattering of gore. "EDI, we're getting overrun out here. What's going on?" she asks adjusting her earpiece.

"The reaper is too close to the beam, Commander," the highly advanced and self-aware AI replies over the communication link. "It is interfering with control of the missile guidance system."

"Damn it!" Shepard says with frustration. "So we need to get that reaper away from the beam...and closer to us."

"Sure why not? Evading disintegration lasers while getting stomped into the ground by a brute sounds like fun," Garrus muses as he reloads his gun from behind cover just a couple yards away from her.

"Hang on Shepard!" Admiral Anderson's voice in her earpiece cuts through the sounds of her own gunfire. "We're closing in on your location now!"

"Get into the buildings now!" she orders her squad. "I'll draw the reaper's attention. Just focus on crowd control."

"Shepard, get to cover when you hear the reaper charging it's attack," Liara calls to her from inside of ruins of what used to be a small diner.

After a quick glance to confirm Liara has made it to the relative safety of the building, Commander Shepard calls out to Garrus. She spots him sniping a banshee from the inadequate protection of a pile of debris near the diner. The banshee unleashes a biotic blast just feet from him.

She draws the monster's focus away from the cornered Garrus with a couple concussion rounds, giving him time to roll away and fire a round right between the banshee's eyes. It crumples to the ground as a final biotic blast discharges from the corpse.

The sound of the reaper's laser charging up catches Shepard's attention.

"Reaper attack incoming!" shouts Liara from the diner as she continues battling the seemingly endless swarm of enemies with her biotic abilities.

Before she can react to the warning, two brutes close in on Shepard amidst the chaos. She tries to roll out of the way quickly but not fast enough to dodge the massive arm of the closest beast. The force flings her into a brick wall as the other brute charges at her.

"Shepard! Watch out!" Liara uses her singularity attack on the formidable brutes. Shepard takes the opportunity to fire a barrage of explosive rounds with her Scorpion at the brutes before taking cover in a destroyed store front. Across the street, Liara and Garrus were holding off enemies as best they could while helping to finish off the brutes and give Shepard a second to catch her breath.

Her heart nearly skips a beat when she hears EDI's voice come through on the comm link. "Commander, the targeting systems are now online, but you must initiate the launch manually from the tank's console."

She glances out of the storefront window to the tank's console. There are just too many hostiles. There's no way to completely sweep the street in time. She would have to just make a run for it. As if he could read her mind, Garrus yells out to her, "Shepard, go now! I've got your six. Liara, clear her a path!"

Shepard can feel the adrenaline rushing through her body. _Just a few yards away, Shepard. GO!_ She rushes out of the store and sprints towards the tank, her focus set on the glowing console screen.

"Take cover!" Liara warns her as the reaper unleashes another laser attack.

Shepard dives for the cement divider in front of her just a fraction of a second too late. The red laser catches the outer edge of her left arm causing her to cry out in shock and pain. Her vision blurs for a moment as she grips her arm. The armor pliable, partially melted. The force and heat from the blast undoubtedly did some damage to her arm, but it wasn't broken and she could see the console. It was so close.

Three cannibals advance on the commander's location only to be enveloped my Liara's singularity powers.

"Shepard!" Garrus calls from his position, his voice pulling her focus away from the excruciating burn of her arm and back to the task at hand. "Shepard, talk to me!"

"I'm OK!" Shepard yells back before continuing her dash to the tank. She regains her speed by the third step, sprinting towards console just a few feet away. Everything is a blur of noise and movement. She's vaguely aware of a pair of marauders that open fire to her left, but just as quickly she hears Garrus's sniper rifle take them out. Liara throws up a barrier to cover her has she enters the command.

"Targeting system is now online. Reaper within range," EDI announces.

Shepard exhales not realizing she had been holding her breath. "Fire!"

"Launching missiles," EDI confirms as the vehicle's artillery function fire the precision-guided Thanix missiles at the looming threat above. Detecting the pending hit, the reaper begins to close its armored plates covering the vulnerable red energy core but not before the missiles hit their target.

"It's going down!" Major Coats says over the comm link.

"Hit it with everything you got!" Team Hammer launches their assault at Commander Shepard's order. The reaper soon crashes to the ground, stirring up clouds of debris and dust from the battle-scarred streets.

"Destroyer terminated," remarks EDI.

"Nice work," Shepard remarks over the comm link before searching for her squad. "Garrus! Liara!" They run over to her location and look a little worse for wear but they are ok. Liara looks especially exhausted having expended a tremendous amount of energy using her biotics. She leans on the side of the vehicle for support. Garrus's armor is in lousy shape, but he was fine. His icy blue eyes flare with alarm when he gets closer to Shepard. The armor plate covering her left upper arm is badly damaged from the laser blast and he can smell her blood.

Shepard sees the look on his face and touches his arm with her right hand before he can examine the injury. "I'm fine, Garrus," she says with a small tired smile. "Trust me. It looks worse than it is." His tense expression softens a bit at her reassurance.

The remaining Hammer convoy of three tanks finally catches up with them. Coats and James leading the push and taking out the remaining enemies. Anderson leaps out of the second vehicle as it slows down and walks toward her.

"Shepard! Thank god you made it."

"It didn't look good," she admits, falling into stride as they walk over to the area perimeter. The reaper transport beam glowing in the distance. The blue tower of light seems to slice through the smoke and clouds and for just a moment Shepard wonders how anything so evil could look so beautiful.

"It gets worse," Anderson states.

"Of course it does," she mutters under her breath. The adrenaline rush of the battlefield is wearing off and she feels the searing pain in her arm return with a vengeance.

"Hackett just reported in," Anderson continues. "Several Soverign-class reapers including Harbinger have broken off from the battle with Operation: Sword. They're headed here."

"Harbinger?" Shepard can barely hide the exhaustion from her voice. She didn't remember being this drained during the Skyllian Blitz or even after destroying the collector base. It all seemed so long ago.

Anderson nods. "It can provide an opportunity for Hackett to get the Crucible in place but we have to get a team on the Citadel to open those arms and we have to do it now."

"Commander," says Kaidan over the comm link.

"Major Alenko, what's the situation?" she asks.

"We're holding a position as close to the beam as we can get. There are hostiles on the ground but we're holding them off," explains Kaidan. "We should have be able to cover you as you make the final push to the beam but it's gotta be before the reaper ships converge on the location."

"We still don't even know what we'll find when we get on to the Citadel," says Coats shaking his head.

"Then that's our job," Commander Shepard replies. "To find out just what we're up against."

"Alright. This is it. Saddle up everybody!" Anderson announces to the group of soldiers, setting everyone into action.

Anderson walks off with Coats, but James hangs back with Shepard, Garrus and Liara.

"Damn Commander," he says with a smile. "That was one hell of a fireworks show by the way."

Shepard lets out a small chuckle. Garrus's mandibles flare as the turian flashes his classic smirk. "Stick around, Vega. We've got a hell of a finale coming up." A blue light blinks on the side of his visor indicating an incoming communication. "EDI, do you have any status updates on the rest of the squad?" Garrus asks as he walks a few feet away from the group.

An engineer checking out one of the tanks waves James over. He gives a quick nod to Shepard and Liara then jogs over to the vehicle.

Liara turns her attention to the commander. "Shepard, let me take another look at your arm." Shepard turns so the asari could take a closer look at her injured arm. Liara carefully takes the damaged upper-arm section of armor off. Shepard looks at her arm to survey the damage. It's not a pretty sight. Several lacerations and severe burns. She didn't want to think what she would look like if the laser had hit her directly. Liara applies a generous dose of medigel which eases the burning pain almost immediately.

Shepard sighs with relief. Though the pain was still there, it's dulled considerably. "Thanks Liara. That feels better already."

"We should really bandage this up properly and replace this damaged armor," Liara observes, still concerned about her friend's injury.

Shepard just shakes her head with a reassuring smile. "This will do. We don't have time for anything else. I'll be ok." Liara helps reset the armor plate in place. It barely latches on to the connecting pieces with all the damage it sustained.

"I've just received updates from the rest of the team," Garrus announces heading back towards Shepard and Liara. "Javik is with Major Alenko and the biotics squad. With Hammer's front ranks and Wrex leading the krogan ground troops they are clearing the path to the beam."

"What about the others? Any word on Cortez?" Shepard asks.

"Tali and EDI caught up with him with some help from Grunt and Aralakh company. Their location is relatively secure and the shuttle is repairable, but no word yet on how long until it's operational."

"Good." She nods at Garrus. "I want EDI and Tali back on the Normandy ASAP. Aside from Joker, they know that ship better than anyone and can help Sword within range of the Citadel. Like Major Coats said, we really don't know what we'll find once we get there. I want them to be at the ready."

"Will do."

She pauses to look at the fallen reaper. _They are not invincible. They can and will fall. We can end this war tonight. Right here. I feel it._ Turning back to her squad, Garrus and Liara, the two people that she trusts most in the entire galaxy, Commander Shepard feels a rush of hope return to her.

"Let's move then. We don't have much time and we're only getting one shot at this."

"It's now or never," Liara adds.

"Shepard!" Anderson calls out to them from the second vehicle. "We're ready to move out."

They run for the tanks, climbing in quickly and the convoy continues towards the mysterious blue beam, the only hope for unlocking the Citadel and using the Crucible to rid this galaxy from the reapers once and for all.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Thanks for reading! So this is my spin on the Mass Effect 3 ending. This chapter was just to set up the action of the finale. I'm expecting this to run about 7-8 chapters. The Shepard in this story is a spacer/war hero/paragon/solider in case you're curious.

After playing through ME3 twice, I'm still not happy with the ending so I decided to write my own. I don't think it was a very fitting ending to such an epic series. So I hope you enjoy this revamped version. Oh and expect some epilogues at the every end. :)


	2. Chapter 2: Everyone's Grudge

**2. Everyone's Grudge**

"All ships. This is Admiral Hackett. The Crucible is on the move. I repeat, the Crucible is on the move. Protect it at all costs." Hackett gives the orders to the fleets guarding the super-weapon and Commander Shepard's pulse quickens. It would be in position above Earth soon.

Sitting across from Admiral Anderson in the tank, she glances up at him. Shepard can tell he's thinking about something, or maybe someone. Maybe Kahlee Sanders and the things he wishes he had said. Her own thoughts drift to Garrus and their conversation before the push through the no man's land. _If this really is the end, if that kiss was really our last..._

"From here onward, it'll be a straight shot to the Conduit," says Anderson. His voice pulls Shepard out of her heavy thoughts.

"A straight shot with reapers trying to crush us along the way," Major Coats retorts.

Liara keeps her deep blue eyes focused straight ahead, her expression tense. Part of her wants to give the human male a good shock with her biotics to shut him up. Despite what Shepard said to her earlier, Liara can't ignore the dread that this may be the last she would see her friend. She doesn't need Coats bringing up just how impossible the situation looks. After losing Thessia to the reapers, she could not shake the feeling that she would lose Shepard as well.

"We just need to get a handful of troops through," Anderson continues.

"Is that all?" Garrus scoffs, a sharp bitterness replacing his usual cool bravado. Liara looks at him. His agitation is obvious and she wonders if he feels the dread too.

"We knew this would be a gamble at best."

Commander Shepard stands and nods at the Admiral. Her teammates and Coats stand as well.

"I can't think of anyone else I'd rather do this with," Shepard says to her squad.

"I'm honored to be a part of your team," Liara says, straightening her shoulders.

Shepard meets Garrus's gaze and he gives her a small affectionate smile that softens his stoic demeanor just a bit.

Kaidan's voice comes through the comm link. "Commander, a reaper ship is about to touch down at the beam. Where are you?"

"Damn it!" Anderson slams a closed fist against the wall of the tank.

"We're in sight of the target," Coats replies to Kaidan.

"I see you now, Major."

"Shit! So do the reapers," James cuts in from the tank leading the convoy. "Brace for impact!"

The reaper's attack strikes Shepard's vehicle. The explosion rocks the tank causing it to tumble down a hill of debris. Anderson is the first one out followed immediately by the Commander. The cold wind and rain mixes with the dirt and smoke swirling in the air. The Conduit is just ahead of them, a platform at its base and surrounded by three dark towering pillars that seem to reach into the sky like claws. The light from the beam envelops the area and casts a haunting cyan glow over the landing reaper. It's Harbinger.

Shepard looks at the distance between them and their goal. They aren't that far away. They can reach it if they're fast enough.

"We gotta move!" shouts Anderson.

"Come on!" Shepard readies her assault rifle as she slides down the embankment of rubble and toward the path to the beam.

"Hammer squads, go go go!" Anderson gives the orders, charging with the troops in the rush to the Conduit.

Sprinting at full speed, Shepard is nearly caught off guard by Harbinger's laser as it scorches the ground just two feet to her right. The impact causes her to lose her footing on the slippery and broken ground and her rifle flies from her hands. She leaves it, drawing her sidearm instead as she renews her mad dash for the platform.

The adrenaline coursing through her veins is now at full effect. Shepard can make out Garrus and Liara calling out to her from somewhere behind her but she can't stop. Reaching the beam is all that matters now. Through her earpiece she hears James ordering the tanks and ground assault vehicles to keep moving forward.

There's an explosion to her right as his tank is hit. The reaper's focus is on the vehicles now. Taking advantage of the enemy's distraction, she keeps her swift pace steady. A krogan assault vehicle at her left takes a direct hit from Harbinger, the impact sending it rolling backwards in flames as a second vehicle crashes into it. Her comm link cuts to static, not that she can hear it over the sounds of the battlefield and the buzz of the Conduit. The closer she gets to the platform, the louder the sound becomes, almost drowning out everything else.

Suddenly chunks of concrete and dirt shoot into the air in front of her as Harbinger's laser blasts the surrounding area. The heat and force knocking her into the air. Shepard crashes into the ground, landing on her left arm before everything goes dark.

The loud whirring of the beam is the first thing she senses. The blinding blue glare is the second. _Damn it. I'm so close._ Commander Shepard's thoughts give way to the pain on her left side and the burning in her lungs with every inhale. The rain and wind cools her skin as she slowly gets up, grabbing her pistol from the ground. In the distance she sees Harbinger drift away in to the night sky. A barrage of voices breaks through the static on comm link and she can make out some of the familiar ones over the drone of the Conduit.

"God-they're all gone." _It's Major Coats._

"Can anyone here me? Did they make it to the beam?" _Kaidan's voice._ "Commander? Shepard do you copy?"

"Negative," Coats replies. "Our entire force was decimated within 50 feet it."

"We can't get through the wreckage to get any closer. We lost track of Shepard." _Is that Wrex?_

"It's too much. We need to regroup. Fall back to the buildings," Coats orders. "All forces retreat now!"

She slowly turns to look back at the path she'd just charged though. It's blocked now. A wall of smoke behind her, flaming vehicles and debris. Dead soldiers and carnage litter the area near her. Shepard tries to speak but the only sounds she can make are weak moans of pain. Her forearm plates are shredded and mangled and she lets the useless pieces of broken armor clatter to the ground.

The pain and exhaustion echo with each step as she moves closer to the platform of the Conduit. She doesn't see the three husks until they get within 10 feet of her. The pistol is heavy as she aims it at the abominations. Everything feels like it's in slow motion. Each pull of the trigger, the force of every shot, feels like it's setting her arm on fire, but they eventually fall and Shepard finally reaches the platform.

A movement off to the side catches her eye. A marauder. She can't seem to lift the pistol fast enough and the enemy gets the first shot as a result. The bullet punctures the Commander's damaged armor. The impact nearly knocks her over. _Steady, Shepard. Line up the shot. _She holds her breath and aims again. Pulls the trigger. Direct headshot. She exhales as the marauder's body falls to the ground. Shepard continues on to platform and into the blinding light. And then there's nothing. Just cold and darkness.

* * *

><p>Garrus comes to amidst debris, concrete and chunks of metal from the destroyed vehicles. Staggering to his feet, his head is throbbing and with a deep inhale he feels a plate on the right side of his chest fracture with a soft crack. Looking down confirms his armor has been punctured by a piece of shrapnel. He grips the metal shard and pulls outward. The turian notices the navy blue coating the piece of steel before he lets it drops to the ground. The wound isn't too deep. But that's not his main concern now.<p>

_Shepard, where are you? _His sharp eyes scan the surrounding area for her. Fire rages in the trench cut by Harbinger's devastating attack. A wall of mangled heavy metal and flames 15 feet in front of him blocks the way to the Conduit. Desperately he searches for any movement or the royal blue of her N7 armor, but to no avail. He lost sight of her once the wave of ground assault vehicles moved in. The last thing he can remember is the chain of explosions and a shower of burning metal.

"Garrus!" Liara calls his name from the distance behind him. He turns his head away from the blaze to look in her direction. Kaidan is helping Liara off the battlefield. The asari's lower left leg is badly wounded, her dark purple blood dripping down her foot and on to the ground. To the left, Major Coats and a couple Alliance soldiers pull a nearly unconscious James out of his damaged tank.

Garrus returns his focus to the inferno blocking his path. A gash on his left brow drips a small rivulet of indigo blood onto his dusty visor. He flips it up to the top of his head and begins calling out her name as loudly as he can. "Shepard!"

The skilled sniper attempts to use his Mantis scope to see past the haze but the smoke is too thick. He prepares to charge through the blaze when a blur of crimson grabs hold of his shoulders, dragging the turian backwards with such strength he's knocked off his feet.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Javik's voice is harsh and accusatory.

"Damn it!" Wrex swears at him. "Getting yourself burned to a crisp isn't going to do any good."

They continue to pull him back, away from the beam. Liara calls to Garrus again from the top of an embankment. "We can't stay here in the open. Another reaper is closing in on this location."

"We need to fall back into the cover of the buildings now!" says Wrex. "You can't help her if you're dead, Garrus."

He furiously shakes Wrex and Javik off of him before giving one last look to the obliterated battlefield. The glow of the beam seems to be mocking him. Heavy-hearted, Garrus turns away and trudges along with the others towards the derelict structures to their west.

Kaidan applies medi-gel to Liara's leg then lifts her right arm over his shoulder helping her walk. Tears well in her eyes, realizing that Shepard would not be climbing out of the of wreckage. "Kaidan... she's gone. We've lost her."

He clenches his jaw, shaking his head in disbelief and shock. "No... she's not...Shepard could have made it to the beam." His voice trails off at that last part to almost a whisper. Kaidan forces the thoughts from his head, trying to feel nothing at all, to become numb. They limp slowly towards the buildings, away from the wreckage and their failure.

The group takes refuge in the ground level of a nearby building as the reaper sirens get louder. Two destroyers are converging on the beam by the time they make it to the rendezvous point.

Garrus sits on the edge of a heavy metal desk and glances around at the interior of their shelter. The structure was an office building of some kind before the invasion. Some of the windows are still intact. No electricity except for some small emergency lights in the ceiling. A handful of krogan and human soldiers including some from Kaidan's biotic squad, are scattered throughout the first floor. Most are wounded and they are treating the serious injuries the best they can.

Coats and another male Alliance solider carry James in. Liara instructs them to place the critically injured Lieutenant on a dusty couch near the wall. Bruises cover his face. Garrus can hear Liara comment that his ribs could be broken and it's very likely he has internal injuries. He coughs up some blood attempting to say something to her. Garrus pulls the full unit of medi-gel from the utility belt of his armor and tosses it over to Liara.

"Thank you, Garrus," she replies, catching the medi-gel with her biotics. She hooks it up to the medic module in the Lieutenant's armor so it can be injected directly into his chest through the suit and then opens her omni-tool to monitor the dispersal.

"Is that any better? Are you having trouble breathing, James?" Liara asks.

"No," he replies, now able to speak. "It still stings like a bitch though, but I'll be ok."

"Good. In that case let's keep your armor on. It will provide support for your ribs until we can get you proper medical attention." She gives James her own remaining medi-gel. "Hang on to this. If you start getting light-headed, use the entire unit immediately."

Garrus notices Javik staring out of one of the broken windows, watching the reapers in the distance. He looks exhausted and his armor is dented and punctured in places, but the last surviving prothean seems to be in relatively good shape. No bleeding or serious injuries apparent. _Do protheans even bleed?_ Garrus wonders to himself.

In another corner of the room, Wrex removes the twisted armor from his right shoulder. It's dislocated, the bones clearly misaligned. He also has a new crack in his spiked plating above his right temple, though Garrus can barely see any blood. _Hard-headed as always._

One of the krogan helps the Battlemaster snap his shoulder into place, several of the human soldiers cringing at the sound. "Ah, good as new," Wrex declares.

"Cortez here." The pilot says over the comm link. "Can anybody hear me? Did you make it to the rendezvous point?"

Garrus jumps to his feet and adjusts his earpiece. "Cortez, we're at the rendezvous point. We lost Shepard. EDI, can you locate her?"

"Searching...," EDI replies over the link. "I am sorry. I can not locate the Commander. The beam could be interfering with the signal."

"Or she could have reached the Conduit," Javik interjects.

"If anyone could have made it, it's Shepard." Wrex agrees.

"We can't get a hold of Anderson either. Maybe there's a chance," says Coats.

"Garrus, we have the Kodiak up and running," Tali says over the comm link. "We'll pick you up at the rendezvous point. We have medi-gel and supplies. Are there any serious injuries?"

His mind is moving a mile a minute. _She wasn't out there. I'm sure I would have spotted her on the ground if she were one of the dead. And she was so far ahead of me before the ground troops were decimated... she could have made it to the Citadel. This may not be over yet. _He has some hope and clings to it.

"We'll be ready, Tali. We could use whatever supplies you've got. Most of the ground units didn't make it and we're all pretty beat up, but we'll live. Vega's in bad shape though."

"We're closing in on your location," she replies. "Grunt and Aralakh are traveling by ground and they have found some surviving Alliance as well. They lost communication during the Hammer assault but EDI can connect him with Wrex now."

Wrex's conversation with Grunt becomes mere background noise for Garrus as his thoughts continue to race. _Is Shepard ok? She could be injured. Is Anderson with her? What the fuck is taking Cortez so long? If-_

"Garrus," Liara asks, a desperate hopefulness to her voice. "Do you really think she made it?"

He pauses for a second before nodding. "Wrex is right. If anyone could have reached the Conduit, it would be her. And if she's on the Citadel, that's where we're going." _I'll be there for you this time, Shepard. I won't fail you again._

"I'm with you, Garrus." she says, much more assured this time. If there is any chance Shepard is still alive, they had to get to her.

They organize their next steps while waiting for the shuttle. Aralakh and the Alliance soldiers are just minutes away. Kaidan opts to stay with his squad. The war on Earth isn't over and if Shepard or Anderson didn't make it, they would have to prepare for a second push to the Conduit. Javik also decides he will be more useful on the ground with the Alliance and krogan troops. Coats orders all remaining Hammer troops to regroup at the FOB.

Cortez lands the shuttle at the entrance to the building, Tali charging out of the Kodiak before it even touches the ground. She rushes to them. Kaidan helps Liara out to the shuttle and hands her off to Tali. EDI exits the shuttle with a medical supply box and heads towards James and the others.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Liara asks Kaidan.

"I want to, Liara. More than anything," he replies. "But I can't leave my squad or the other Alliance troops. If Shepard didn't make it..."

"We'll find her, Kaidan," Tali says.

He gives them a small smile and nod that does little to hide his worry. "Good luck and be careful. The area is still crawling with reapers."

"You too, Kaidan," says Liara. She and Tali board the shuttle as he goes to find Garrus.

Wrex declines a medical pack from an Alliance solider with a smirk. "I'm fine, besides looks like Vega could use all the medi-gel you've got." The krogan nods towards James as another human solider tends to the Lieutenant's injuries. "Gotta hand it to you though. You're tougher than the average human. Not as tough as a krogan or Shepard of course, but I'm still impressed."

James chuckles at Wrex's joke, revealing blood-covered teeth. He's still not out of the woods yet, but the medical supplies are helping.

"Garrus, I need to talk to you before you go," Kaidan says walking up to Garrus and EDI as they head towards the Kodiak.

The turian instructs EDI to set up the coordinates for the Normandy pick up before he turns to face Kaidan. "What is it, Alenko?"

There's tension between them. Something neither have had the time to address. Garrus is fully aware of Kaidan's attempt to rekindle a relationship with Shepard, but she chose him. Not Kaidan.

Kaidan takes a deep breath. "Look, I know you and Shepard are together."

"We're more than just together. This isn't some fling," Garrus counters forcefully.

"I know that and I can't lie and say that those feelings I had for her are gone," Kaidan pauses, trying to keep the resentment from his voice. He sighs. "I still love her... but in all the time we spent together, she never looked at me the way she looks at you."

"I'm-" Garrus starts to apologize for his outburst, but Kaidan quickly raises his hand to stop him.

"I just wanted to say good luck. I don't know how all this will end, but I wanted to let you know that I wish you both the best. Look after her ok? Keep her safe, Garrus."

"I will," he says, shaking hands with Kaidan.

Moments later, the Kodiak is back in the air. Cortez flies low and uses the buildings for cover until they're away from the city core and near the pick up zone for the Normandy.

"Joker, we're ready for you," Cortez says to the Normandy pilot over the comm link.

"What took you so long?" Joker answers. "I'm making the final decent now. Let's go get the Commander."

Garrus couldn't agree more with Joker's sentiment. He'd already lost her once after the original Normandy was destroyed more than two years ago. He wasn't there to save her then but this would be different. He was not going to lose her again.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

Thanks for reading the 2nd chapter and for all the story and author alerts!

Apologies for the typos in the previous chapter. I realized I'd been spelling Coats's and Kaidan's names wrong and also Aralakh. So they are corrected here. (I'll go back and correct the typos of the first chapter eventually as well.)

So the news came out a few days ago that BioWare has plans for some "closure" DLC. I've got my fingers crossed that it will be something fitting for this awesome game. Of course in the meantime, at least we've got our fanfiction. ;)


	3. Chapter 3: Shadows and Ghosts

**3. Shadows and Ghosts**

Commander Shepard stands under a familiar gray sky in a dark, cold park. Black wispy shadows move around her as whispers and strange sounds fill the air. She can't make them out and tries to push murmurs out of her mind. Instead she searches through the trees and fog, beyond a murky mass of forms, until she sees him. The human child. The one from the Alliance HQ on Earth. The one she couldn't save. He's here now sitting on a bench, a golden light illuminating his small frame in the darkness. _He's here. This time could be different. _

She moves toward the boy as the strange feeling of urgency and importance spreads throughout her mind. He stands and runs further, beyond another group of inky figures and crouches on the ground, hands covering his ears. Shepard moves again towards the child.

"Hello, Commander Shepard." It's a woman's voice behind her. She knows this voice. Captain Hannah Shepard, her mother. She stops.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, not yet taking her eyes away from the child. _This shouldn't be happening... She shouldn't be here. _The Commander's own thoughts are confusing even to her, but some part of her mind pulls a memory through the gray fog.

"I wanted to see you and to make sure you were ok," her mother responds.

"I'm fine. You didn't have to come," she says. The words seem to spill from her mouth. _I remember this. The conversation we had when she came to see me while I was in Alliance custody. Two weeks after destroying the Alpha Relay... and all of the Bahak System._

"Come on. This is your mother you're talking to. That line doesn't work on me," Hannah tells her.

Shepard continues to look at the child as her mother speaks to her. There is an anxiety welling up inside of her and it keeps her focus on him. "I'm sorry, mom. But you shouldn't have come." _I need to move. I can save him this time. I have to get to him before-_

"No. Listen to me." Hannah pulls Shepard's arm and turns her away from the boy. "You need to stop this. Right now. I came all this way to see my daughter and I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

Shepard recognizes this. The words, the commanding tone, the Alliance uniform her mother wears in front of her now, it all comes back to her. It makes her feel uneasy to have this moment replay here. It isn't the time. She needs to reach the boy, yet the words continue to flow even as her thoughts are on the child in the distance behind her.

"I had no idea what I was really walking into," she says to her mother just as she had back on Earth. "It was supposed to be an extraction assignment. But it turned out to be tied directly to the reaper invasion. The relay... I tried to send out a warning to evacuate the system but it was too late. And all those people..."

"Stop. Right now," Hannah demands in that commanding tone she'd perfected from a lifetime in the Alliance. "No more of this. You did what you had to do. I know you tried your best to warn the batarians. Everyone knows that."

"Do they? I saw the vids and the reports from the batarian officials saying this had nothing to do with reapers," Commander Shepard feels the exasperation just as she had on that day. "They're saying this is based on humanity's vendetta against the batarians and that I did this to repay them for their part in Blitz. That the Alliance got their damn war hero to put the final nail in the coffin!"

Shepard exhales sharply. This memory is overwhelming. She doesn't want to relive this. Once was enough. The hurt and anger, the feelings of failure, guilt and frustration take her over just as they had that day and she hates it.

She remembers the look on the Alliance committee members' faces when she and Anderson tried to convince them the reaper threat was still eminent. Anderson even gave up his seat on the Citadel Council to stand by her side after she turned herself in to the Alliance. But the officials didn't want to believe. They didn't want to see the truth. Shepard and Anderson couldn't make them acknowledge what was happening even with all the proof, the dozens of reports and eye-witness testimonies. They hadn't been there. Not on Ilos. Not fighting Sovereign. Not stoping the collectors.

"I lost two years. Two years!" Shepard's frustration overwhelms her and tears begin to form in her eyes, just as they had that day in her quarters in Vancouver. "When Cerberus brought me back, I saw that nothing had changed. No one wanted to understand that the reapers never went away. All it did was buy them some time when we stopped Sovereign. And what did they do? Tried to pretend it was over. That it was just a rouge spectre... chasing ghosts."

_Just a rouge spectre chasing ghosts. _The words echo softly in her head and she glances at the boy behind her. He is standing there in the distance. Just looking at her. Expecting her to come to him. She starts to turn her body towards the child, but her mother stops her.

"The people that matter never doubted you. Never. I'm more proud of you now than I've ever been," Hannah says to her.

Shepard knows what her mother will say next and her heart clenches in her chest. She realizes just how much she needs to hear those words again.

"It takes so much more courage to stand up for what you know is right when everyone else is content to be blind to the truth," her mother says to her, pride shining through her eyes. "You stood in front of the Alliance Council, told them exactly what happened and exactly why the galaxy is still in danger. And just because they don't understand, don't assume that no one else does. Believe me. You have a lot of supporters regardless of the committee's poor judgement."

Commander Shepard closes her eyes tightly for a moment as she braces herself for the next part.

"Your father would be so proud of you." Her mother's eyes begin to fill with tears now. There have been only three times in her life she's seen her mother cry. This memory was one of them. The first was when her father died. He was killed while on assignment to shutdown a red sand operation in Outer-Council space. The second was when she died. Shepard watched the vids of her own memorial after Cerberus brought her back from death. Hannah, dressed in formal Alliance uniform, sat next to Anderson and Hackett during the service. She kept her chin up high and her shoulders straight but the tears were there.

The older woman takes a deep breath before continuing. "Speaking of which, I brought you a little something." She pulls out a small case from her jacket pocket and hands it to her daughter.

"What is it?" Shepard asks looking at her mother even though she knows exactly what the small container held. She opens it to reveal a small platinum heart-shaped locket. A match for the one she lost during the Skyllian Blitz. The one her father gave her when she graduated from the academy.

"I had it remade at the same place your dad and I got the original from."

"How did you know?" Shepard touches the metal, remembering the day they gave her the locket. They were so proud of her they'd said. She put their photos into the locket the next day and it was her most prized possession. Even though she couldn't wear it while on duty, Shepard kept it in her locker or pack wherever she was assigned. She'd been on shore leave on Elysium when the pirates began their attack on the colony. In all the chaos, she lost the necklace.

Her mother smiles at her before answering. "Garrus Vakarian. He contacted me a week ago and asked me to make sure you were ok. He also sent over a datapad for you. I left it with Lieutenant Vega. He agreed to sneak it over to you once his shift starts."

"So he told you about the necklace?" Shepard asks still looking at the small locket, a smile on her face at the mention of Garrus.

"He said you told him the story after the Alpha Relay incident and that it was something you've been carrying around with you all this time. That you're somehow afraid I would be mad at you or think less of you for losing the necklace while you were busy saving an entire damn colony." Her mother shakes her head in disbelief at the thought, then reaches out to brush a strand of hair from Shepard's face. "Why didn't you tell me before? And more importantly, why have you been carrying this grief over it all these years?"

"I was ashamed I guess," Shepard confesses, looking up at her mother. "I even tried going to look for it after getting out of med-bay, but I couldn't find it. I just thought you'd be disappointed. But mostly I was mad at myself for not keeping it close to me. I guess I just felt that losing it was like losing a part of dad."

Her mother sighs and shakes her head. "It's just a trinket. This can always be replaced. It's the memory that you hold on to. Not only did you survive that attack, but you saved a lot of lives on Elysium that day. Trust me. There is no way your father and I could have been disappointed about any of it."

Hannah smiles warmly at Shepard before she turns and starts to walk away.

"Wait. Where are you going?" Shepard asks. She's confused. This isn't how it should end. On Earth, they'd kept talking for a while longer about the ship her mother was stationed on, about Garrus, about the Normandy and how Joker was hanging on to the mementos she'd left in her cabin. But instead, she's leaving.

Shepard watches as her mother turns to give a short wave before fading into the passing mass of shadowy forms. The locket in the Commander's hand also dissipates in to dark mist. She looks around, for her mother, for the child, for anyone.

She sees the boy again, standing next to a tree. The gold light continuing to glow around him and the previous urgency she felt before begins to creep in.

"Hey Commander." Another voice calls out to her and Shepard immediately turns towards it and away from the boy. "Got a minute?"

"Ash?" Shepard sees her former Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams step out from the shadows, wearing her red and white armor.

"I know we don't have a lot of time."

"Ash, wait. I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," Shepard interrupts her, not wanting to miss this chance to say to Ashley things that she'd repeated in her head over and over since Virmire. "I never expected that I'd have to leave one of my teammates behind. Even when Saren showed up, I still thought I'd be able to get to you in time."

"Commander, saving the LT on Virmire was the right choice," Ashely replies confidently. "The fight, the sacrifice. This is what we sign up for. You guys stopped Saren and destroyed Sovereign. You made what happened on Virmire mean something. You got the job done, Shepard. And I know you'll do the same now. Just do what you came to do. Finish the mission."

Ashely salutes the Commander before walking away. Shepard tries to follow her but within a few steps Chief Williams fades into the shadows just as her mother did minutes before.

Shepard looks back towards the boy. The urgency and anxiety is fading even as he just stands there in the distance and stares at her. Blank yet expectant, waiting. _I was here before. _The realization blossoms slowly in her mind.

She feels something drawing her in the opposite direction, away from him and she follows. The whispers are hushed now. It's darker and colder where she walks towards, yet the this new pull still has her as she moves through the shadowy figures. Another voice calls to her. She's heard it before, here in this place, but it's different this time. It's not hollow sounding now. It sounds real.

"Shepard," the salarian scientist emerging from the shadows briskly greets her. "Good to see you. Know you have doubts about reapers and Crucible."

"Mordin," she says. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you on Tuchanka." Leaving him at the elevator to the Shroud was one of the hardest things she ever had to do.

"No," Dr. Solus quickly waves away her apology. "Wouldn't have it any other way. I've accomplished many things in my life. But curing the genophage will be my greatest legacy. Besides, had to be me."

"Someone else would have gotten it wrong," she softly repeats the same phrase she said to him on Tuchanka. She knows he's right, but it still hurts.

"Exactly. Same applies to you also," he says in his typical swift manner, before pausing for a moment in thought. "Shepard, important to remember that what happens next... Do not doubt yourself."

Shepard nods thoughtfully at his words as she watches him fade back into the shadows. She hopes there will be more. The lost, the people she'd never see again.

An odd light catches her attention further down the path and she continues. The whispers and echos are no more. There's only the soft sounds of wind and the rustling of leaves. Within a few steps she recognizes the source of light. It is not shining as brightly as it usually did, but she still knows it's him.

"Shepard-Commander," the synthetic voice speaks to her. "We thank you for freeing us from the Old Machines and for facilitating peace with the creators. Geth can now build our future alongside organics."

_Legion. _She sighs with an odd sense of comfort as the geth materializes from the darkness. The bluish glow from his optic lens catches the jagged edge of the salvaged N7 armor on his chest. Her armor. She smiles at him, remembering his explanation for using her damaged chestplate to repair his frame.

Her friendship with him is a strange one. Shepard wasn't sure at the time she was doing the right thing when she reactivated him on the Normandy, but there was something different about this geth. She never regretted the decision.

"It was an honor to have you on my team, Legion. Your sacrifice proves the geth are so much more than just machines." She'd never given much thought before to what makes a soul, but the thought of Legion's soul becoming part of the geth consensus, of living on through his people, gives her some peace.

"The honor is mine. The probability of true peace among organics and synthetics has greatly increased as a direct result of your actions." Legion pauses for a moment, the panels of his head flutter in thought and agitation.

"You are... an unknown," he confesses to her. "Unique even among organics. The Old Machines underestimate you, Shepard-Commander. This is their weakness. You have been a good friend to the geth. And to me." He stretches his hand towards her.

"The feeling is mutual, Legion. Thank you," Shepard says shaking the geth's hand, repeating the gesture that began their friendship. That original handshake was landmark for relations between geth and organics since the Morning War, but this is special for a different reason. This is a farewell between friends.

She watches as Legion walks away from her, and as he turns to give her a final glance before he returns to the darkness just like the others. Commander Shepard closes her eyes for a moment, exhaustion slowly encroaching upon her, but she is hoping for one more person to walk out of the shadows.

_Please be here. _Her hopeful thoughts become pleas as she walks deeper into the darkness. The fog is thick. She can barely make out the moving shadows from the dark trees. The wind blows colder here as well, but it doesn't matter. _Where is he?_

Shepard spots a tall, lean figure in the group of shifting shadows several feet in front of her. His still silhouette is outlined in the darkness by the soft gray light, causing a misty silver halo around him. Since leaving Earth, she would find herself wandering into the Normandy's Life Support room from time to time, some part of her hoping he'd be there waiting for her. Even more so after the Cerberus attack on the Citadel. After losing him.

"Thane." His name falls from her lips in a whisper of sadness and a bit of hope. She had just said farewell to the others and she wanted the chance to do the same with him.

"Siha. I'd hoped we'd have a moment more to say goodbye." Thane's deep reverberant voice gives her some solace, though hearing him confirm what she already knows this is hurts. He walks forward towards her and what little light there is in this space illuminates his features.

"That prayer you chose for me... it was beautiful Thane." Emotion threatens to overcome her as she remembers his death and she stops, not wanting to spend these final moments with him sobbing. She regains her composure and exhales before continuing. "By the way, I gave Kai Leng your regards."

"I wish I could have been there to see it." Thane smiles, standing just inches from her.

"Me too," she whispers.

"Please, do not grieve for me," he says softly to her. "I owe you a great debt, Shepard. It is because of you that I have such precious memories. Spending time with my son, stopping the collectors, your friendship. It is more than I deserve."

Things she wants to say are on the tip of her tongue, but this moment isn't for mourning and it isn't for regret. This is goodbye. He reaches for her and embraces her, pulling her close to him. Shepard returns the embrace, closing her eyes for a second before gently pushing away from him. This is about letting go.

"It's time for me to move on," he says with a wistful smile. "I have someone waiting for me across the sea. It's been too long since I've seen her."

"Then don't keep her waiting any longer. Goodbye, Thane." She returns his expression with a reflective smile of her own.

"Goodbye, siha. You have the best at your side. No matter what enemies you will face, I know they'll stand with you." Thane bows slightly to her before turning and walking back into the shadows.

She watches him unable to move as the darkness and cold envelope her. The sound of wind and leaves now gone, all Shepard is left with is silence.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

Thanks again for reading and for the fave alerts!

While playing these nightmare sequences in the game, particularly on my second playthrough, I thought it would be interesting if there was another option to end the dream and some way to interact with the lost squadmates when you hear their voices. In this chapter, Shepard's subconscious mind is "breaking" the nightmare with the memory of her mother. Though it's not done in a rational way, (very few dreams are ever rational) just in more of an emotional motivation to move forward in another direction.

Shepard's never been alone in this fight and even her subconscious understands this on some level. She's able to speak to her other teammates at the FOB on Earth, but there were a few missing sadly. (Damn you, reapers!) Here she's reconciled the loss of her teammates, is given another chance to say a final goodbye, and to be reminded that she's not alone.

Plus, the people you're closest to can give some good advice if you're ready to listen. :)


	4. Chapter 4: The Ties That Bind

**4. The Ties That Bind**

The Kodiak touches down on the floor of the Normandy's hanger. Lieutenant Steve Cortez shuts its systems down as Garrus, Liara, Tali and EDI exit.

"Cortez, can you get the second shuttle ready to go? This one's not at 100% and we can't risk taking it out again," Garrus says to the pilot.

"I'm on it", he replies racing over to the hanger controls to prep the second shuttle.

"How much longer until we reach the Citadel?" Garrus asks as they make their way to the elevator.

"ETA is 20 minutes," Joker states over the comm.

"Good. EDI, we'll also need to coordinate with Admiral Hackett. He may have information on Anderson and Shepard's location. See if you or Traynor can get him on vid or link."

"Understood," EDI confirms. The advanced AI is now reconnected with the Normandy's systems and begins monitoring the various feeds and processes. "Tali, I've received notice that you are needed on the Engineering Deck. Chief Engineer Adams would like you to review the drive core's output projections."

"I'll make my way there now," the quarian replies, pulling up the latest status reports for the various engineering systems of the Normandy on her omni-tool.

The team steps into the elevator and Garrus presses the button for the CIC, followed by Tali also hitting the controls for the Crew Deck and Engineering levels.

"You and Liara are going to the Med-Bay first even if I need to drag you both there myself," Tali declares in a harsh tone.

Garrus is about to protest, but Liara places a hand on his shoulder.

"Tali is right, Garrus," she tells him. "We don't know what the situation will be when we reach the Citadel. We're in no condition for full-on combat right now."

"I will let you know as soon as we get Admiral Hackett on the comm. I will also continue attempts to locate the Commander," EDI says to him.

"Fine." Garrus sighs. He knows they're right. He knows they want to get Shepard back almost as much as he does. There will be no margin for error with this. They need to be ready for anything.

Tali exits the elevator at the Engineering Deck, turning back to Garrus and Liara. "Don't worry. We will find her," she says to them before the metal doors close.

The two of them exit on the third level, leaving EDI to continue on to the CIC. They enter the Med-Bay to find Dr. Karin Chakwas waiting for them.

"Ok, lets take a look," the Alliance doctor says as Garrus removes the armor from his upper body. Dr. Chakwas examines the fracture and wound on his chest. "This doesn't look serious. It's no longer bleeding, but the cracked plate will need to be set with a bonding agent for now. I also took the liberty of having replacement suits brought up for you both," she says, motioning to the two sets of armor placed on a table at the far end of the room.

She disinfects and treats the turian's wounds, then moves on to Liara's leg injury. Dr. Chakwas begins to disinfect the much improved laceration and apply another dose of medi-gel.

"This injury is already healing, but I want to set it with some gel sutures just as an added precaution," she explains to the asari.

Garrus begins changing suits. They have to be ready to go as soon as possible. He's grateful for the meticulous and resourceful Dr. Chakwas. If Shepard is injured, he knows the Alliance medial expert will be ready and able to heal her. He silently thanks the spirits that she's here.

Dr. Chakwas can plainly see the anxiety and agitation that Liara and Garrus both carry with them. The normally cool crisp air of the Med-Bay feels overwhelmingly heavy and disquieted.

"The Commander was always a strong solider even before the Cerberus cybernetic enhancements," Dr. Chakwas declares in her usual calm and confident voice, applying the sutures to Liara's leg. "She's survived impossible odds before. I just know she will make it through this. And if the Admiral is with her, then I have no doubt they will find away to activate the Catalyst."

Garrus nods and he lets the doctor's words echo in his mind as he thoughtfully sets the chestplate and arm portions of his heavy armor. He pulls the blood-stained visor off of his head and cleans it with a small piece of gauze moistened with disinfectant.

He lets a talon linger over the carved names and the one scratched out. He remembers the day when he etched those names into the metal frame of the visor and the two years before. Those were his darkest days. Shepard was dead. Though their relationship had been platonic before her death, secretly he had been completely infatuated with her even then.

He thinks back to their recent Citadel date. She looked into his eyes and confessed her love for him. It's one of the happiest moments of his life. _I love you too, Shepard. More than you know. And after everything we've been through, I know I couldn't live in a galaxy without you in it. _

Garrus puts the visor on, making a silent vow to the spirits. He would come back with her or not at all.

"Advisor Vakarian." Traynor interrupts his thoughts, her voice coming though the Med-Bay intercom. "I have Admiral Hackett available on vid comm for you."

"Thanks, Traynor," Garrus replies. "I'm on my way now." He gives a hasty nod to Dr. Chakwas and Liara then hurries out.

Liara finishes replacing her armor also. "Thank you, Dr. Chakwas. I need to make additional preparations before we reach the Citadel as well."

"I'll prepare an emergency medical kit for you to take with you in the shuttle," she replies, gathering several medial supplies. "Be careful and good luck."

* * *

><p>Once she's back in her office, Liara immediately checks her information terminals, running through the list of messages and updates.<p>

"Welcome back, Dr. T'Soni," Glyph, the VI assistant, greets her. "How can I assist you?"

"I'm uploading a list of names to you now, Glyph," Liara quickly tells the VI. "I need you to monitor their status and communications and forward all updates to me or EDI as they come in. Miranda Lawson is of top priority."

Since becoming the Shadow Broker and even more so after watching Thessia fall to the reapers, Liara feels the need to be prepared for all worst-case scenarios. Miranda was able to bring Shepard back before. If the Commander's injuries are extensive, the cybernetics and even Dr. Chakwas expertise may not be enough. Miranda would be a valuable resource for helping Shepard.

"Right away, Dr. T'Soni. You also have a high-priority message from Operative Feron waiting at your terminal."

She scans through the long list of messages and finds the one from Feron. She opens it with a sigh of relief that he's safe.

_From: Operative Feron_

_I'm with a fleet of Citadel survivors. We've just landed on Sur'Kesh after receiving clearance from the Dalatrass and the salarian councilor. The Citadel's defense forces were strong when the reapers attacked, but once they were overwhelmed C-Sec and the militia shifted to evac mode. All of the preparations saved thousands of lives. _

_One of the quarian liveships and a small group of geth starships even provided support once the evac fleet passed through the Widow Nebula relay. It's incredible. They've been providing supplies and helping with repairs since we've landed._

_It's strange the way fate works sometimes, isn't it? The geth and quarians have always faced such hostility from most Citadel races, and now those same people owe them a great debt. _

_Don't worry about me. Just let me know what's next on the agenda. I'm trying to get in touch with other operatives, but it's getting harder and harder to push communications through the FTL comm buoys. I'll keep trying though. _

_P.S. I know you're in the eye of the storm now. I'm worried about you. Stay safe. _

Liara's eyes linger for a second over that last line, small smile on her face. Her fingers hesitate on the keyboard for a moment, before typing a short reply.

_I'm ok for now, but this isn't over yet. I'll be in touch. _

_I'm happy to know that you're safe. _

She hits the send command, then quickly pulls some files from the terminal.

"Liara, Garrus is speaking with Admiral Hackett now and would like everyone to meet in the War Room in five minutes," EDI announces over the intercom.

"Thanks, EDI. I'm on my way," she responds. Entering the final commands on the terminal, she uploads a set of holographic blueprints of the Citadel to her omni-tool then hurries to the second level of the Normandy.

* * *

><p>Garrus enters the communications room and immediately informs Comm Specialist Traynor to put the Admiral through. Within seconds the vid connection is active.<p>

"Admiral Hackett, do you have any news on Admiral Anderson or Commander Shepard?" Garrus begins.

"Advisor Vakarian, we have just confirmed that Anderson made it to the Citadel, though our communications with him are intermittent at best, virtually unreliable at worst," Admiral Hackett announces.

Garrus's eyes narrow at this news. _This is hopeful. If Anderson made it, then maybe-_

"We were able to pick up on a second marker on the Citadel as well," Hackett continues. "We believe it's the Commander, but we haven't been able to hold the connection for longer than a few seconds."

Garrus's heart pounds in this chest and a sharp exhale escapes his mouth as his mandibles click. _Spirits! It's Shepard. I know it's her._ He steadies his nerves as he continues the meeting with Hackett.

"We have EDI trying to locate her as well," Garrus tells the Admiral. "The beam caused an overwhelming amount of interference, but once we're in range we may be able to lock on to her location."

"Assuming that Anderson and Shepard have both made it, we still need them to open the Citadel arms so we can move the Crucible into place. And to further complicate matters, we've received reports that Harbinger is en route to the Citadel as well. Be on guard."

"We will, Admiral," Garrus replies. "The Normandy's barriers and defense systems are up and ready. Joker's been monitoring Harbinger's position and with the SR-2's speed, we'll be at the Citadel before the reaper."

"Good. The Normandy's a formidable starship even where the reapers are concerned, but you won't be alone. A portion of Sword is breaking off to proceed with Operation: Dagger. Their objective will be to assist Shield and the Normandy once Harbinger arrives and engage the enemy if necessary. This entire war hinges on getting the Citadel arms opened as quickly as possible."

The Admiral pauses for a moment before continuing. "I know you don't want to hear this Vakarian, but if Shepard and Anderson are unable to activate the Catalyst, your team will need to do so."

Garrus's stance shifts with agitation. "Understood, but at this point, confirming Shepard's location is our primary objective. Activating the Catalyst if the Commander is unable to do so is the second." He can't think of anything else until he finds her, but ultimately he knows Hackett is right. Still, it's Shepard first. The Catalyst second.

The Admiral nods at his response, understanding the scenario. The job will get done. He knows enough about Garrus Vakarian to be sure that the mission would be accomplished, but he also can't argue against going after Shepard first. This is her team. They would never leave their Commander.

"Good luck, Advisor. If there's a way, I know Shepard and the Normandy crew will find it. Keep me posted. We'll provide all the support we can. Hackett out."

The connection cuts off and before Garrus can give orders to her over the comm link, EDI says, "I've already analyzed the communications data from Hackett's team. I believe I have located the Commander. Garrus, she's appears to be somewhere on the Presidium. I'm trying to pinpoint her location now and reestablish the comm link."

"Is there any data on her condition?" he asks.

"None right now. The suit monitors may have malfunctioned or there is still too much interference to get a reading."

The hope he held on to before leaving Earth was surging anew. _She is on the Citadel. We just have to reach her. And we will. Hold on, Shepard._

* * *

><p>After fine-tuning the engine systems for the mission, Tali returns to the Med-Bay to check in with Dr. Chakwas. She finds the doctor prepping the room with various medical supplies and devices.<p>

"Doctor, how are Garrus and Liara?" Tali is concerned about more than just their present physical well-being. She could sense their guilt on the shuttle ride even though they both tried to remain focused and calm on the outside. Tali knew them too well. She could see they blamed themselves for losing the Commander. It reminded her of their expressions when she spoke with them after the first Normandy was destroyed and Shepard had been killed. She quickly pushes that memory from her mind. _No. This isn't like that time. Shepard isn't dead. I know she's still alive and we're going to find her._

"Liara and Garrus's injuries are not serous," Dr. Chakwas replies, still busy with her preparations. "They'll be fine. Garrus may need an additional bonding treatment to repair the fractured plate, but that's the worst of it."

"I'm glad you came by, Tali." The doctor walks over to her desk, picking up a package of several antibiotic units and hands them to Tali..

"Thanks. I almost forgot to pick these up." She takes the vials. They are emergency units in case of any suit ruptures. She was lucky on Earth, but who know what the Citadel will be like.

"Also, would you mind running into Shepard's room and grabbing her spare helmet? It'll be helpful to have on hand once you find her. It may be the most efficient way to make sure she has a steady supply of oxygen if she's severely injured or unconscious."

"Of course." Tali nods. She can hear the worry in Dr. Chakwas voice.

"Thank you, Tali." The doctor gives her best impression of a smile before returning to the medical tasks.

Tali takes the elevator up to the Commander's cabin to get the N7 helmet.

"EDI, I need you to unlock Shepard's cabin doors. I need to pick up her spare helmet," she requests while still in the elevator.

"The door is now unlocked," EDI replies.

Tali steps out of the elevator and the cabin doors immediately open. She walks into the room and heads for Shepard's armor locker. She pulls the spare helmet from the case and sighs as she traces the N7 emblem with her gloved fingers. Turning to walk out of the room, she spots a familiar piece of fabric on the desk. Tali walks towards it. There on the desk, near the Commander's medals and a small jewelry box, is a quarian wrap folded neatly. Tali gently touches the heavy fabric as a soft sob escapes her lips.

The dark teal material is decorated with intricately woven designs in golden threads, outlines of hexagons interlocking at the points, somewhat resembling a honeycomb pattern. In the time since the quarian people fled Rannoch and had to live in sealed enviro-suits, these fabrics became an important part of quarian culture on the flotilla. They became a way of expressing personality, status, or ideals. Each pattern has its own meaning.

She remembers when she gave this to Shepard. It was the day the Normandy dropped her off at the flotilla, after the Alpha Relay incident and before Shepard turned herself in to the Alliance. They said their goodbyes and she explained the meaning of the pattern. Shepard hugged her tightly and said thank you and Tali could see her tears even through the N7 helmet's visor. This particular pattern means "sister".

She gives herself a few more seconds to regain her composure before heading out of the cabin and to the pre-mission briefing in the CIC.

* * *

><p>In the war room, the team circles around the display. Garrus, Liara, Tali, EDI, and Cortez are present. Joker is linked in from the cockpit.<p>

"I have picked up the Commander's approximate location on the Presidium, though the communication link is unreliable," EDI confirms to the group. "As we get closer to the Citadel, I should be able to pinpoint her exact location and repair the comm link connection."

"We still don't know her condition yet," Garrus adds. "But we at least know that Anderson and Shepard have made it to the Citadel, and that's a start."

"Traynor and I will continue to contact Shepard and handle any incoming reports from Earth and the fleets."

Garrus nods and he pulls up a holographic map showing the Crucible, Citadel and fleet positions.

"Shield is on standby until the arms open," he explains to the crew. "And we've got Harbinger heading towards the Citadel too." They look at the image of the reaper as it inches closer to the Citadel on the map.

"Hackett is launching Dagger as we speak. They're a small group of precision fighter ships that will break from Sword to assist the Normandy once we reach the Citadel. Sword will continue the main space assault on the reapers keeping them busy, but the Normandy and Dagger will have to engage Harbinger."

"The Normandy's locked and loaded. She's ready for a full-on fight," Joker declares over the intercom.

Tali nods. "We've made some modifications to the drive core for this mission," she says as the Normandy's systems diagrams appear on the display. "The stealth systems can be used for a prolonged period if we only use the FTL drive in short bursts. The CBT shielding and weapons systems will not be affected."

"Good work," Garrus responds with a slight smile. With Joker, Tali, and EDI, he knows the Normandy will be at her best. _One less thing to worry about._ "Now we just need to figure out how to get on to the Citadel."

Liara pulls up the 3-D map of the Citadel. "That will require some creativity from Joker and Lieutenant Cortez," she says, enlarging the exterior diagram.

"When the Citadel arms are closed there is virtually no where for the Normandy to dock," Liara explains. "Joker, you'll have to get as close as possible to the inner Presidium ring, before Cortez can launch the shuttle."

"Not a problem, Liara," the pilot replies confidently from the cockpit.

Liara calls up the blueprints of the Presidium portion of the Citadel on the display. "Cortez, we will need you to keep circling the inner Presidium in the shuttle, avoiding the battle with Harbinger and remaining on standby to pick up the landing party. There are 10 possible entry points on the Presidium. We just need to reach one of them, preferably the one closet to the Commander's location. The good news is that the Citadel's gravity and atmosphere should still be in place."

Cortez takes a look at the hologram, his mind already running possible routes to and around the entry points. "This might be tough but entirely possible. I've made crazier drops before."

There's quiet as Garrus looks around the room. The other crew members working at the stations on the far end of the room have stopped to listen in. Joker smiles to himself as he sets the communication controls of the War Room to shipwide, feeling the "big speech" coming on. This is what the entire crew needs to hear.

"This war has cost us greatly, but we're still in this," Garrus says to the crew. "We can still win this thing and we owe that to Shepard. A lot of good people have been lost in this fight and everyone here has had to make sacrifices. Use them as reminders of what we're fighting for. We fight for the lost. We fight for those we love. We fight for our homeworlds. And we fight for our future. Now the entire galaxy is counting on us to finish this mission. But more importantly Shepard is counting on us. And we will not let her down."

A chorus of cheers and hooyah's erupt throughout the Normandy.

"Hooyah!" Cortez joins in.

"We've got a galaxy to save." He can hear the smile in Tali's voice.

"Just like old times," Liara says to him with a nod.

"Stations, people! Let's go get the Commander back and kick Harbinger's ass!" Joker says over the intercom.

Garrus, Tali, Liara and Cortez head down to the shuttle and board. Cortez has it prepped and ready to go.

"EDI. Joker. What's our status?" Garrus asks.

"We've reached Citadel space," EDI confirms. "But I have not yet pinpointed the Commander's exact location. I am detecting Shepard's comm link is partially functional. I'm repairing the connection now."

"And Harbinger?" Liara asks.

"Harbinger's ETA is five minutes."

"It's closing in faster than we thought," Tali says to Garrus. "We can't wait."

"Joker, get us as close to the Presidium as you can," Garrus orders, readying his assault rifle. "Cortez, we've got to make the drop at the closest access point. We'll go on foot from there. Hopefully EDI can pinpoint Shepard's position by then."

"Ok, drop-off point's set. Get ready to go?" Joker asks.

"We're ready to run, Joker." Cortez already has the shuttle primed to launch out of the hanger.

Garrus turns back to his squadmates. "Alright, this is it. I'll take point. Tali, you're secondary. And Liara, you're on security. We'll need you to keep the return path to shuttle clear."

"I'm ready. Let's go," Liara answers, her biotics slightly flaring, the glow casting a blue aura around her.

Joker hits the controls to open the hanger doors. "Good luck. Bring her home."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

Thank you as always for reading. :)

With this chapter we see the squad preparing for the rescue mission, both practically and emotionally. They each still hold on to the memory of Shepard's death, fearing that it could happen again. Garrus, a strong proven leader, is stepping up to the table as the head of this mission and even gives an inspirational pre-mission speech of his own. All of Shep's speeches must've rubbed off on him.

Next stop: The Citadel.


	5. Chapter 5: Hades

**Hades**

It's the vicious stings of pain throughout her body that force Commander Shepard to open her eyes. She moans as she tries to make sense of her surroundings. It's dark except for a red light that fills the space. Her eyes begin to adjust and she can make out more details. She's in some kind of corridor. There are bodies piled up along the metal walls. Human. Dead. She closes her eyes for a moment. _Is this hell? Am I dead too? This couldn't be the-_

"Shepard?" A man's voice in her head catches her off guard and she wonders if she isn't still dreaming, if this isn't just another nightmare. But then she hears the voice again, repeating her name.

"Shepard?" It's coming from her earpiece.

She inhales sharply before pulling herself up from the floor and onto her knees. The dizziness stuns her and she stops moving all together until she regains her balance. _Where am I? Is this really... the Citadel?_ The thought makes her shiver.

Regaining more of her senses now, the Commander recognizes the taste of her blood in her mouth. She can hear movement to her right and sees a keeper at a small terminal of some kind. The strange, silent insect-like being seemingly oblivious to the heaps of corpses lining the corridor.

"Anderson, you up here too?" Shepard asks, her voice hoarse and pained. The fierce stinging in her side makes her wince as she stands and tries to steady herself.

"Yeah, but we didn't come out in the same place… least I don't think we did," Admiral Anderson replies. "What's your surrounding look like?"

Shepard's armor is covered in dirt and blood. Much of it hers. She groans loudly as she forces her body to step forward and turns her head to take in more details of her location. Every muscle in her body seems to scream at her in violent protest and the pain makes her vision blur. She sways on unsteady legs.

"You ok?" Anderson asks, concerned.

"I feel like death. But I'm moving," she replies as she takes a step forward, looking around.

The keeper off to her right looks at her almost curiously before returning to typing away at its terminal on the edge of the corridor. She keeps moving. Each step sends more ache through her body. Shepard tries to shut it out, choosing to focus on Anderson's voice. She grips her upper left arm with her right hand then instantly regrets it, the touch just reigniting the stabbing pain, making it worse.

"It's dark. There's human remains scattered," Shepard relays to the Admiral.

"Sounds familiar. I'm in a dark hallway… reminds me of your description of the collector base."

She sees a pistol on the ground in front of her and slowly bends to pick it up. She turns the weapon in her hand and examines it. An M-6 Carnifex. Full thermal clip. It feels heavier than she remembers a Carnifex is supposed to feel. The blood and grime on the grip is sticky and she feels it pressing into the slick blood covering her own hand.

"Makes sense," Shepard continues.

"You think they're making a reaper here?" Anderson asks.

"Sure. They round them up on Earth, then send the people up here to be processed." Shepard's mind flashes back to the human reaper she fought at the collector base with Tali and Garrus by her side. The same one the Illusive Man tried to rebuild at the Cerberus HQ. She scowls at the thought of the Cerberus leader.

"Goddamn abomination," Anderson responds with sharp disdain. "I'm going to keep moving. The sooner we blow these bastards back to hell, the better."

Commander Shepard looks around again. At the bodies. At the area behind her. There's a device that looks like a delivery point or something associated with the beam. _That must be how I got up here. Anderson must've come through one of those at another point on the Citadel. I hope we're close._

She turns back to the path in front of her. Another keeper up ahead ignores her completely as it tugs a man's body out of the walkway and into the pile on the left of the corridor. _They don't care about the bodies. They just want to get them out of their way. _The thought, as morose as it is, makes her feel a little relieved that she wouldn't have to waste rounds on taking out attacking keepers.

"The tubes don't go on forever… but where the hell are we?" Anderson asks.

"Yeah. This doesn't look like any part of the Citadel I've been to." Shepard winces again. It's taxing to speak and walk at the same time, but she wants to reach Anderson as quickly as possible. Her ribs feel bruised and the wound to her side is slowly oozing with each movement.

Commander Shepard looks more closely at the lifeless bodies against the walls. Most are bloodied, mangled. Some of the faces are frozen in expressions of horror.

"Whoa!" She hears the Admiral call out in alarm.

"Anderson? What's going on?" Shepard's pulse starts to race as she pushes forward.

"One of the walls here just realigned itself. The place is shifting. Changing."

She continues to head towards the metal doors up ahead at the end of the corridor, struggling to move faster.

"There's a chasm here... and more hallways like the one I was in."

"I think I'm near an exit," Shepard announces when she reaches the door. They open automatically, revealing bright white lights. Her eyes sting as the glare blinds her for a moment. She squints and shields her eyes with her right hand, still gripping the pistol tightly, as she keeps walking forward.

Stepping out of the doorway and coming into a wide hall, she sees more dead scattered in piles on the ground. Dark crimson stains the floor in large pools. To her left, more bodies on a metal grate floor. To her right, a dead end. Metal slabs are moving along a deep gap just like Anderson described a moment ago. Bolts of electricity flash along the plates before they shift. Shepard keeps going straight ahead along a lowered pathway that crosses the chasm. A steep incline continues on the other side, but it also blocks her view of what awaits beyond.

"I see something up ahead. Might be a way to cross over," Anderson says.

"Don't get too far ahead of me," she responds as she continues to limp along the pathway.

"Where do you think you're at?"

"I think I just found that chasm you were talking about."

"Hold on. I see something. A control panel maybe. I'm just going to go on ahead and-"

The Admiral's voice cuts out with a loud roar of static, causing Shepard's chest to fill with panic.

"Anderson! What's going on? Speak to me!" she calls out to him through the comm link.

No response.

"Damn it!" The Commander races on as fast as she can, her heart continuing to pound quickly in her chest as she climbs the walkway.

She sees a bright light up ahead as she makes her way over the edge of the incline. It blinds her and she instinctively squints her eyes, taking a moment to adjust. She can make out a tall figure against the bright glow.

_It's him. He's here!_

"Anderson!" Shepard cries out to him, her voice full of relief.

He's at some kind of control panel. Red light is cast about the circular room. There are windows beyond the panel and she can see the wards, the closed arms of the Citadel. This is the Citadel Tower. She remembers looking out on to the wards like this before. It was when Sovereign attacked. The reaper attaching itself to this very structure.

Anderson begins to turn from the panel, staggering around to face her. His movements are stiff and strange, a look of fear on his face.

"Shepard," Anderson says to her. His voice strained. "I can't..."

_Anderson! Something's wrong. Could the reapers be doing this?_ Before she can move forward towards her mentor, she hears footsteps to her right. And then a voice that freezes her in her tracks.

"I underestimated you, Shepard." _It's him. The Illusive Man._

All her frantic worry turns to an intense fury. The Commander tries to turn towards him and lift her gun but something is stopping her. Something is forcing her to stand there as he walks around her and over to the control panel and Anderson. Her vision darkens for a moment and she struggles to keep her balance. There's an overwhelming pressure on her temples. Her head is throbbing. A blur of pain, panic, and confusion envelops her.

"What... have...," she struggles to form the words.

"I warned you," the Illusive Man replies smugly. "Control is the means to survival. Control of the reapers... and of you if necessary." He smirks at her at that last part.

He looks grotesque, barely even recognizable as human anymore. His skin beginning to disintegrate in places, revealing small glimpses of the synthetic systems that are replacing his organic ones. Cables and blue fiber optics visible through the areas of missing tissue. His eyes glow even more powerfully now, matching the blue glow of the synthetic material. Of the reaper material.

Anderson groans in pain and Shepard turns her attention to him. He's trying to fight this. Whatever the reapers or the Illusive Man is doing to them, he's fighting it.

"They're controlling you," Anderson says to the Illusive Man, causing the Cerberus leader to turn towards him.

"I don't think so, Admiral," he replies with a smirk.

"Controlling me is a lot different than controlling a reaper," Shepard says to him.

"Have a little faith," the Illusive Man says, beginning to walk around them. Like a shark circling wounded prey.

"When humanity discovered the mass relays...," he begins to explain to his captive audience. "When we learned there was more to the galaxy than we imagined, there were some who thought the relays should be destroyed. They were scared of what we might find. Terrified of what we might let in."

Shepard's mind races as she analyzes the situation, trying to find some way to get her and Anderson out of this and stop the Illusive Man. _If I can just keep him talking, maybe I can get him to let his guard down..._

"But look at what humanity has achieved," he continues triumphantly. "Since that discovery, we've advanced more than the past 10,000 years combined. And the reapers will do the same for us again. A thousand fold."

Shepard's vision begins to darken again as another wave of pressure crashes down on her. She moves her left hand to her head and tries to steady herself. Suddenly she's aware of her right arm moving upwards. Her grip on the pistol tightens and her index finger tenses over the trigger.

"But only if we can harness their ability to control it." The Illusive Man's cold gaze is focused upon her.

_What's happening?_ Her body straightens and her right arm lifts the gun, pointing it directly at Anderson. _What is this? Why can't I stop this?_

The Commander tries to turn away from Anderson, to point the pistol at the sneering Illusive Man. But she can't. She grits her teeth and groans in frustration.

"Bullshit. We destroy them or they destroy us!" Anderson counters forcefully, his movements still stiff as he tries to fight against the hold on him.

"And waste this opportunity? Never!" The Illusive Man is adamant, still circling them.

"You're playing with things you don't understand. With power you shouldn't be able to use!" Shepard asserts, still unable to put her arm down.

The Illusive Man stops and turns to look at her, indignation apparent on his face. "I don't believe that. If we can control it, why shouldn't it be ours?"

"Because we're not ready."

"No, this is the way humanity must evolve." He brings his hand to his chin thoughtfully.

"There's always another way," Anderson says, sensing the same thing Shepard does. He makes eye contact with the Commander.

"I've dedicated my life to understanding the reapers, and I know with certainty, the Crucible will allow me to control them," the Illusive Man declares, looking back and forth between Anderson and Shepard.

She has to keep pressing him. "And then what?"

"Look at the power they wield! Look at what they can do!" He shouts, raising his right hand to form a fist. Bright blue energy begins to emanate from him. Her vision becomes darker again and she tries to fight it, to keep it at bay. Her efforts fail and she feels her index finger press down on the trigger. Shepard looks at Anderson, fear in her eyes.

_No! Anderson!_

The sound of the shot takes her breath way. The Admiral groans and doubles over in pain. His left arm moving up to the bleeding wound.

Commander Shepard wants to scream out in rage, but fights the emotion, pushes it down, shaking her head with a short exhale. _No, you've gotta keep him talking. Keep your cool. He still has the upper hand here._

"I see what they did to you," she says to him, unable to hide the venom in her tone.

The Illusive Man turns sharply towards her.

"I took what I wanted from them. Made it my own. This isn't about me or you!" He stands in the center of the room, arms outstretched. "This is about things so much bigger than all of us!"

"He's wrong! Don't listen to him," Anderson says to her. She makes a silent plea to him to hang on, to stay strong. She'd find a way to get them out of this.

"And who will you listen to, Shepard?" The Illusive Man walks over to Anderson and she tenses, afraid of what he'll do to him. "An old soldier stuck in his ways? Only able to see the world down the barrel of a gun? And what if he's wrong? What if controlling the reapers is the answer?"

Shepard is repulsed by him more than ever. He's delusional. She narrows her eyes at him. "If we destroy the reapers, this ends now. But if you can't control them-"

"But I can!" he yells, stalking closer with rage.

"Are you willing to bet humanity's existence on it?" She knows he's trying to justify this.

He shakes his head in agitation and Shepard holds her breath.

"I know this will work!" He's pacing now.

"You can't, can you? They won't let you do it."

The Illusive Man glares at her furiously. "NO!" he shouts. "I'm in control. No one is telling me what to do!"

Anderson shakes his head. "Listen to yourself! You're indoctrinated!" The Admiral's accusation further enrages the Illusive Man.

"NO! NO! The two of you so self-righteous!" His voice bellows with wrath. "Do you think power like this comes easy? There are sacrifices!"

"You sacrifice too much!" Shepard screams back at him.

The Illusive Man begins to pace again. She can tell he's questioning his own motives now, but would he be able to see what the reapers were doing to him?

"Shepard... I... I only wanted to protect humanity," he says with sheer distress overtaking his once confident tone. "The Crucible can control them. I know it can! I just..."

"It's not too late. Let us go. We'll do the rest," she pleads.

He pauses, shaking his head. "I... I can't do that, Commander."

"Of course you can't," Anderson states. "They own you now."

The Illusive Man moves over to Anderson and stands behind him. He grabs the soldier's sidearm from the holster.

Shepard's pulse quickens. _Damn it! This can't be happening. I won't let him do this!_

"You. You'd undo everything I've accomplished." The Illusive Man grips the gun and walks a few steps over from Anderson. "I won't let that happen."

"Because of you, humanity is already undone," the Commander says to him with disdain.

"That's not true!"

"They have the Citadel! They got us fighting each other instead of fighting them!" Shepard yells back, her blood boiling now. After everything. After every battle. Every obstacle. It comes down to this despot. They could lose the entire galaxy all because of him.

The Illusive Man shakes his head. "I just need to-"

"You've done exactly what the reapers wanted! You're still doing it because they control you!" Shepard gasps softly as she feels some of the pressure holding her in place ease a bit and she turns the pistol slightly towards him, ready to pull the trigger.

"I... they're too strong!" He's overwhelmed by the confusion and turns away from her.

"You're stronger! Don't let them win! You can fight this!" _I'm breaking though to him. Maybe there's still a chance..._

"I tried, Shepard." He holds the pistol up and looks at it. Shepard flashes back to Saren. The situation so similar. And the location. It wasn't far from this spot that she confronted the rogue spectre. The Commander knows what he'll do next.

The Illusive Man brings the muzzle to his temple and pulls the trigger. The shot echoes through the room as his body falls to ground.

Commander Shepard exhales as she feels the pressure on her dissipate. She can move again. She limps over to Anderson, giving a glance to the Illusive Man's still body. The Admiral collapses to the ground as well. She rushes to him, but he waves her off and points to the control panel.

"Shepard, you have to get the arms open."

She goes to the panel and enters the commands. The arms slowly shift back and outwards, revealing the galactic fleet and the reapers battling in the distance near Earth. Some soft static comes though her earpiece before she hears another familiar voice.

"This is it everyone. The arms are opening. Move the Crucible into place." _It's Admiral Hackett._ She lets a small smile form on her lips looking up at humanity's homeworld. This would all be over soon. The reapers would be destroyed.

Shepard hears Anderson moan and she turns to see the wounded man sitting up. She limps back towards the Admiral and collapses to the ground at his left.

"Commander," he says to her with a slight nod, his eyes gazing out at the view of Earth.

"We did it." Shepard sighs quietly and turns to him, a pang in her chest. He looks so weak. She could lose him here and now and there would be nothing she could do about it. She stares out at Earth too.

"Yes. We did. It's… quite a view."

She closes her eyes and forces a chuckle, trying to hide the sadness. "Best seats in the house."

"God… feels like years since I just sat down." The exhaustion in Anderson's voice makes her eyes burn.

"I think you earned a rest," she says, looking over to him. Shepard's tired too. She thinks maybe if they can just sit here together for a few minutes they could regain some strength. It's wishful thinking.

He closes his eyes and moans as his head slumps forward. The naive and hopeful thoughts she held just a second ago escape her in that instant.

"Stay with me," she begs him. "We're almost through this."

His eyes open again and he looks at her, nodding. "You did good, child. You did good. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you, sir," Shepard replies softly. She watches as the Admiral's eyes close and his head slumps down again.

"Anderson?" She whispers his name, but he's gone. The Commander shuts her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath, letting the tears fall where they will.

Her left hand covering the wound on her torso is wet and she glances down, pulling the hand away. It's covered with blood and she can feel more continue to seep slowly down the side of her armor. The exhaustion overcomes her. She feels ready to give in.

"Shepard, do you copy? Shepard? Can you hear me?" _Is that Admiral Hackett?_ She groans trying to focus on the voice through the haze of pain and exhaustion. She hears him call her name again through the comm link.

"I- what do you need to me to do?" she asks as she struggles to get up. Shepard breathes heavily, the pain surging through her with each movement. Her arms and hands, covered with blood, slip on the cold metal floor as she tries to push herself up. She crashes back to the ground with a gasp.

"Nothing's happening," Hackett continues through the static. "... Crucible's not firing... something on your end."

Shepard crawls over to the control panel. There's more noise through the comm link now and she can't make out his voice anymore. She pulls herself up on the terminal, looking at the controls.

"I can't... I don't see how to..." Her voice trembles and she can't seem to form the words as the panel starts to blur in front of her. She mashes the control pad desperately with her hands before sliding off the panel and falling back to ground. The Commander's eyes close and the static in the comm link fades to silence.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

Thank you so much for the fave alerts and the kind reviews! :)

Poor Anderson! That "I'm proud of you" scene always makes me misty-eyed. :'(

There's some interesting things coming up and though I originally planned to wrap this up in about 8 chapters, it will end up being a bit longer.

Chapter 6: A Shot in the Dark will be up in a few minutes.


	6. Chapter 6: A Shot in the Dark

**A Shot in the Dark**

Garrus, Tali, and Liara jump down from the Kodiak and on to the exterior of the inner Presidium. They stand on a metal platform marking one of the emergency access points, the only way to enter the Citadel when the arms are fully closed.

The gravity and atmosphere of the Citadel are still in place as Liara predicted. She and Garrus take their helmets off and attach them to the backs of their utility belts. Tali has Shepard's spare N7 helmet attached to hers.

"I'll keep in radio contact and track your location for as long as I can," Cortez says over the comm link as he pulls the shuttle away from the platform. "Let me know when you're ready for pick up. Stay safe."

"You too, Cortez," Garrus replies as he waves the pilot off, holding his assault rifle in his other hand.

Tali uses her omni-tool to hack into the emergency doors and they enter the passageway, guns drawn. It's dark and silent. Just the sounds of their breathing and footsteps on the metal ground. The only illumination coming from the small bluish lights along the floors and ceiling.

"The Citadel seems to be running on emergency power," Liara says, looking around.

"Better than nothing," Garrus replies. He expected to find the Citadel in a complete shutdown, but with some power and systems still running they could possibly get to Shepard faster. "EDI, tell me you have Shepard's location."

"Yes. Uploading it to your omni-tool now," the AI replies over the comm link. "Shepard is near the entrance to the Tower, in the lower levels of Zakera Ward. I also have repaired the connection to Shepard's comm as well as Admiral Anderson's."

Garrus checks his omni-tool for the location, opening the map. His heart swells when he sees Shepard's marker appear on the display.

"We have heard Anderson's voice though it seems he can not hear the Normandy's communications or Hackett's," EDI continues. "Shepard's link is likely functioning one-way as well. You will be able to hear her, but she may not be able to hear you. I... patching the landing party and... Hackett through now."

Noise begins to interrupt the communication, making it hard to hear EDI's voice. "I'm hearing static. What's the Normandy's status?" he asks.

"Harbinger... in range of the Citadel. Dagger and the Normandy... getting into formation. We expect to engage the reaper in moments. Communications... Normandy and the landing party ...interrupted during the battle."

"Acknowledged." Garrus's attention is back on the map and Shepard's location. Liara looks up at him from her own omni-tool, catching his sharp, icy gaze. They know where she is.

Garrus gives her a cautious half-smile. There must still be some luck on their side. They landed on the section of the Presidium near Tayseri Ward. Adjacent to Zakera Ward and the entrance to the Tower. He zooms in on their current location in the access corridor, showing it to Tali and Liara.

"We need to make our way through this corridor and out on to the lower Presidium," he explains as he marks their route on the map. "From there we can travel along the Presidium pathways to the Tower entrance."

With their course set, they proceed swiftly along the dark path. The silence is uncanny.

"It's so quiet," Tali whispers as they continue towards the end of the access tunnel. "I can't believe the Citadel can be so quiet. All those people..."

"I've received reports that there are at least 300,000 survivors, but that still means millions more are presumed dead," says Liara.

"Or worse." Tali's voice wary as she remembers the pods the collectors stored captured human colonists in.

"Stay sharp," Garrus orders the squad as he readies his rifle.

A loud blast of static followed by a familiar male voice cuts through the silence. The squad freezes immediately. Garrus adjusts his earpiece as his entire body tenses and he holds his breath, waiting and hoping. The static continues for a few seconds more but to them it feels like an eternity. And then they hear her.

"I feel like death. But I'm moving." Commander Shepard's voice.

"Shepard!" Tali gasps.

"By the goddess! She's alive." Liara exhales in relief.

"Shepard! Shepard, do you copy?" Garrus calls to her through the comm link, in spite of remembering EDI's comments. He can't stop himself from trying. His heart is racing.

"Let's go!" he yells to the squad. They sprint through the remainder of the tunnel while listening to Shepard and Anderson.

"Sounds familiar. I'm in a dark hallway… reminds me of your description of the collector base." They hear Admiral Anderson comment as they reach the exit doors.

"Could they be in an access tunnel like this one?" Liara asks as Tali overrides the door lock.

"I don't know. Maybe the keeper tunnels. They run right under the Presidium and into the tower," Garrus replies, remembering the layout from his time as a C-Sec officer.

The door opens and they rush through it. The sight brings them to a standstill. The Presidium, once pristine and picturesque, now looks like a war zone. Tenfolds worse than after the Cerberus attack.

Garrus looks out on the carnage and destruction. The smell of smoke and death fills the air. Burning debris and crashed skycars are scattered throughout the entire area. Several structures along the Presidium are destroyed, many still ablaze. Dead bodies litter the walkways. Blood and gore cover much of the formerly gleaming metal and glass surfaces. Walls, stairs, and pathways are stained with red, purple, blue, and green.

The only sounds come from the crackling flames, rustling leaves, and movements of water from the central lakes. The lakes, once calming and clear, are now muddied with wreckage and the dead. Above them the artificial sky is visibly damaged. The holographic animation skips and jumps in places, turning from night to day and vice versa. Some sections just giving way to a blank darkness.

"Come on. We need to keep moving," Garrus says leading the way towards the Tower. He knew it would be bad. He thought he'd mentally prepared himself for the worst. But seeing the Citadel, the place he called home for years, like this leaves him feeling cold.

The squad continues on to the main pathway of the lower Presidium.

"You think they're making a reaper here?" Anderson asks over the comm link.

"Sure," Shepard's voice responds. "They round them up on Earth, then send the people up here to be processed."

Tali and Garrus turn to each other in alarm. The haunting image of the human reaper at the collector base in their thoughts.

Walking swiftly but cautiously onwards, weapons at the ready, their eyes scan the surrounding area for any movement. Up ahead, they see a tremendous amount of smoke and dust about 60 feet in front of them. Garrus's heart sinks. Their path is blocked by a cascade of debris from a destroyed skybridge and office structures. It looks like the aftermath of several explosions, the smoldering rubble creating a barricade.

"We can't get through here. Maybe we can head through the lower ward and around the wreckage," Tali suggests.

Garrus looks at his map and nods. That could work, but it would take longer. They had to move faster. He leads the squad as they quickly make their way towards the entrance for the lower levels of Tayseri Ward. He focuses on Shepard's voice in his ear. She sounds strange. She's struggling to speak, something definitely wrong. Suddenly, Garrus hears a third voice that turns his blood to ice.

"I underestimated you, Shepard."

"The Illusive Man!" gasps Liara, full of shock and panic.

"We have to hurry. Keep moving!" Garrus yells as they break into a full sprint.

Through the entrance and into the stairwell, they descend to the lower levels of Tayseri Ward. Garrus's heart pounds in his chest. _This can't be happening. We're so close. If he hurts her-_

"What's he doing here?" Tali asks as they continue to run through the dark and desolate ward.

"The Illusive Man is working with the reapers and likely indoctrinated," says Liara. "They could be using him to activate the Catalyst for their own uses."

Garrus's concentration is on the path in front of him as they race through the cold and lifeless corridors while Shepard's and the Illusive Man's voices come through the comm link. This section of the ward is completely pitch-black. Not even emergency lights are operational. They flip on their weapons' flashlights.

During the fight with Sovereign three years ago, Tayseri Ward was hit the hardest as most of the wreckage from the reaper fell into this district. Even recently, about a third of the ward's sectors still had yet to be fully repaired.

They keep running, their route taking them through Andromeda Plaza, a bustling section of the ward known for high-end restaurants and clothing boutiques. Dark storefronts and broken vid screens line the main walkway. Overturned tables and chairs strewn throughout the area along with the dead.

As they run through the Plaza, the light from Garrus's rifle catches on the mangled bodies of Tayseri's former inhabitants. He tries not to let himself dwell on the destruction around him. Shepard is in danger. After all this, after reaching the Citadel and confirming that she's alive, he can't lose her now. He just couldn't.

His rage and determination grows ever stronger as he hears Shepard and the Illusive Man argue. She's trying to break him down, to make him see what the reapers are doing to him. Garrus stood by her side as she did the same to Saren three years ago. _That's it, Shepard. Keep him talking. We're coming._ As they move deeper into the ward, the comm link suddenly cuts to static. Then to silence.

"Shepard! Shepard?" Garrus cries out, panic-stricken. "We lost her."

They sprint forward as fast as they can until reaching a sealed door leading to another section of the ward. Tali rushes to open the door and Liara checks the comm channel status on her omni-tool.

"It could be interference from Harbinger or it could be from traveling through the lower ward," she explains. "But it's just the comm. We still have her location showing as active on the mapping system."

They rush through the now open door and into Tayseri Ward's transport hub. This was the main access for people to reach the residential sectors of Tayseri. Now the hub is without even emergency lighting, just like the Plaza. The orange glow of Liara's omni-tool and their weapon lights illuminate the immediate vicinity. The only other light source is a flickering broken headlight on a wrecked X3M on the far right.

"EDI? Admiral Hackett? Cortez?" Garrus tries over the comm. "Do you copy? Can anyone hear this?"

There's nothing. Just silence. Just the sound of their heavy breathing and armored footsteps as they run across the transport hub.

_Fuck! If only one of these vehicles were still functional. We have to get to the Tower now!_ His mind racing, jumping back and forth from pleas to the spirits to keep Shepard safe to all the ways he would destroy the Illusive Man.

"What was that?" Tali asks, startled. She halts and listens for some sound, moving her shotgun and flashlight across the surrounding shadowy area.

Garrus and Liara stop as well and look at where her light hits. They just see more of the same bleak destruction that they passed through in the previous portions of the ward. Several demolished skycars. Shattered benches and kiosks. More dead bodies and blood.

Garrus shakes his head in agitation. They don't have time for this. "We need to keep-"

"Shh!" Liara stops him. "I just heard it too." She holds her submachine gun tightly with both hands, aiming at the darkness beyond some broken crates.

He stands still with them and listens. It's silent. He's about to say something again, when he hears it. Shuffling footsteps. And snarls.

His hand quickly goes to his visor and toggles the active scan mode as he looks out onto the cargo area. No movement. No active heat signatures aside from some of the smoking vehicles. Then he spots it. The visor eyepiece confirming activity in the darkness to the left.

Garrus turns towards it and the light on his M-15 Vindicator illuminates the spot, but there are no additional movements. It's just a damaged crate. And a dead salarian male. He moves closer to look at the puddle of green blood, sticky and half-dry, that spreads out from under the body. The edge of the puddle is smeared as if something was dragged through it and to the furthest reaches of the cargo dock.

Suddenly a piercing siren goes off, the screeching noise startling the team.

"An alarm?" Tali asks over the sound as it echos around them.

"It's an alert. It means the Citadel arms are opening," Liara says to Tali with a cautiously optimistic smile.

Garrus's mandibles flicker in surprise. "It's Shepard! She did it. We need to keep moving, but be careful." He takes a quick look back at the smeared blood near the broken crate. "It could be husks. Moving the Citadel arms should automatically open most of the emergency doors. If there are husks confined in some sections of the Citadel, they won't be for long."

They sprint through the remainder of the ward, tense and on high-alert. As they reach the final door that leads back out on to the Presidium, Tali yells in frustration.

"Bosh'tet! This door is completely non-functional. I can't bypass it."

Garrus immediately starts looking around in the unlit corridor with his light until he spots it. A stairwell to their left. "This way. We can try the entrance to the second level."

The squad races up the stairs to find that not only are the emergency lights still functioning here, the door is already open. Garrus breathes a sigh of relief as he leads the team through to the upper Presidium and finally out of Tayseri.

Zakera Ward and the entrance to the Citadel Tower are nearby and from what he can see of the pathway, it looks passable. From this level, they also have a clearer view of the devastation. Rubble and bloodied corpses are everywhere. This section of the Presidium is just as gruesome as the lower level before Tayersi.

Static on the comm link causes Garrus to slow his pace a bit and adjust his earpiece excitedly. "Shepard? Shepard, can you hear me?"

"Advisor Vakarian? This is Admiral Hackett." The Admiral's voice breaks through the continuous static.

"Hackett, we've lost the one-way comm link with Shepard and Anderson. The Illusive Man ambushed them."

"I know. We were able to hold the connection until a few minutes ago. From what we could hear, it sounded like the Commander was able to dispatch the Illusive Man somehow," Hackett explains much to Garrus's relief. "Shepard and Anderson were also able to open the arms and we've docked the Crucible, but it's not firing. I got through on the comm to Shepard for a few seconds before I lost her. She's alive, but she didn't sound good. And... I'm afraid Admiral Anderson didn't make it."

A loud boom of static follows and Garrus stands still entirely. "Admiral? We're losing the connection. Hackett, are you still there?"

"...Vakarian... Normandy and Dagger are battling Harbinger as we speak. We need... your squad to activate the Catalyst." Hackett's voice is in danger of being overpowered by the interference. "I know Shepard's trying to find a way... have to find her and fast."

"We will, Admiral," Garrus replies, nodding at Tali and Liara as they resume their cautious sprint towards the Tower.

"Cortez? Come in. What's your status?" Garrus tries the pilot over the comm link.

"Garrus, I'm here," Cortez's voice responds, though the connection isn't the best, the static isn't as bad as it was with Hackett. "Once the arms opened up and the Crucible moved in I had to head towards the outer Presidium. I've got Shepard's location on the map. Trying to keep as close to the Tower as I can."

"What about the Normandy?" asks Tali. "We've lost connection with them."

"Same here. I lost the link to Normandy once Harbinger got in range and I can't get a visual on her from this vantage point." The pilot's response confirms Liara's suspicion that Harbinger has been causing the interference.

"Stay close. We'll set the extraction point as soon as we find Shepard," Garrus orders as he gives a quick glance down to the map on his omni-tool. _Almost there._

"Copy that," Cortez replies over the comm.

Garrus leads the way as they rush onwards across the upper level of the Presidium. Once a glittering beacon of order, progress, and security, the Citadel is now in essence a floating charnel house. It hurts him to see it like this. The place where he first met Shepard. Where they kissed. Where she told him that she loved him. He'd hoped the Citadel would be where they would settle down, make a home together when they weren't on missions. Maybe even where they would start a family.

Shepard's squad keeps running across the pathways, jumping over dividers and debris, darting around the remains of the fallen. His lungs burn and muscles ache. He hears Liara and Tali panting as they race toward the Tower entrance, no doubt exhausted and pushing their bodies to the limit too. But he can't slow down. He needs her. Safe and in his arms.

Admiral Hackett's words echo in his head. _She's still alive, but she didn't sound good._ The thought of losing her, of finding her too late, fills him with agony. He growls in pain at the thought of being without her. At the two years he'd already spent without her. _Spirits, no. I can't lose her again. Not again. _

Garrus's mind flashes to their bittersweet moment on Earth and the things they'd said about an afterlife, a heaven. If there really is an afterlife, if Shepard didn't make it out of this, maybe they could meet up there. If she dies. If he does lose her. He won't make her wait at that bar alone for long. And in this resolution, he finds some small solace.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

Thank you for reading as always! =)

The squad returns to the Citadel in this chapter but of course it's not the same as it was before. The Citadel has always been an important part of the Mass Effect universe. It was the setting of pivotal events for Shepard and the Normandy crew (good and bad), making the events of ME3 feel even more tragic. I think it's kind of fitting that the reaper war would be won or lost not on Earth but on the Citadel.

This is how I imagine it would look after the final invasion. And though we didn't get to explore the other wards in the games, I wanted to have the team run through another ward, and Tayseri was the perfect choice given the impact of the Sovereign attack from ME1.


	7. Chapter 7: Cry Havoc

**7. Cry Havoc**

Joker hurriedly preps the Normandy SR-2 for battle as the voices of Commander Shepard and Admiral Anderson filter through the static in his earpiece. Shepard's hurt. He can practically hear her pain echo with each word, with every deep exhale he can make out through the weak connection. Anderson doesn't sound much better.

The Flight Lieutenant's frown deepens as he flips through the holographic screens covered in the Normandy's various status reports. EDI turns to look at him from her copilot seat. He hasn't said a word since asking her to set the Commander's comm link to their earpieces instead of the cockpit's main channel. He told her it just didn't seem right to have anyone else on the ship listen in.

"Jeff, are you ok?" she asks. Her synthetic voice carries a subtle emotional inflection that not many except Joker, Shepard, and some of the Normandy crew would understand or accept as being sincere. She's worried about him. The Alliance pilot forces the grim look from his face, trying his best to appear calm and collected.

"I'm fine, EDI," he states. "Just need to check the readings." Joker pulls over the status screens of the ship's drive core and shields until they are directly in front of him.

"This is the third time you've done a systems check in less than ten minutes. The Normandy's readings are optimal," EDI replies quietly, still looking at him.

"Yeah, well-"

Before he can continue a half-hearted sarcastic response to her, Joker is interrupted by Admiral Hackett over the cockpit's comm channel.

"Normandy, be advised we've received reports from Sword of several destroyer-class reapers breaking off from the battle," the Admiral states. "Sword intercepted a few of them, but there are two heading towards your location now. Right behind Harbinger. I'm sending Alliance dreadnoughts your way to provide Dagger with some heavy cover fire."

"Aye aye, sir. We'll adjust the combat strategy accordingly," Joker replies as he moves the status screens aside and pulls up the maps and controls.

"Good luck, Normandy. Shield standing by," Hackett says as he signs off.

The pilot's scowl returns. _Nothing's ever easy, is it?_ They hadn't planned on battling multiple reapers. Still, he knows he needs to focus his frustration and anger at something and annihilating a few reapers would definitely hit the spot.

Joker and EDI hear Shepard calling out to Anderson just before the entire comm link to the Commander cuts to silence. Shepard's last words echo in his head. She sounded scared. His heart sinks and any semblance of composure he had previously tried to maintain shatters.

"Damn it!" he yells. "What happened? Can we get the comm back?"

EDI works quickly at the console in front of her. "I'm trying but there is an increasing amount of interference which I suspect is being caused by Harbinger. I've lost contact with the landing party as well. We should be able to maintain close-range communications with the arriving Dagger ships, but long and mid-range communications will likely be ineffective while Harbinger is in the vicinity."

"Fine, then let's deal with Harbinger," Joker says as he begins to connect to the other fighters. _And then we're going to pick up Shepard and the squad, and head over to Omega... uh, well, somewhere... for the victory party._

He knows how silly and credulous it sounds even in his own head, but it's what they did after coming back from the collector base. Shepard has already gotten them out of two universe-altering suicide missions. She could do it again. He needs her to do it again, and he's ready to do whatever it takes to help her. He may not be able to fight on the battlefield by her side like Liara, Garrus, Tali, and even EDI, but he has the Normandy. And he owes the Commander his life. Hell, he owes her HER life.

It's something he's thought about too many times to count: the collector attack on the original Normandy. Sitting in the cockpit of the SR-2 during the night cycle while everyone else sleeps. Nothing but the quiet whirring of the ship as it cuts through the dark nothingness of space. The whole scene would replay in his mind in vivid detail. The sharp throbbing in his arm as Shepard pulled him out of the chair. Her heavy breathing as she rushed him to the escape pods. The intense heat and glare of the flaming ship. The terror he felt as he turned around to reach for her seconds too late. The dark metal of the pod hatch as it sealed shut. Shepard died. And it was his fault.

A blinking alert on the map breaks the somber memory and confirms that the reapers have arrived.

"EDI, shut down the stealth drives and redirect power to thrusters. Harbinger already knows we're here."

Joker maneuvers the Alliance frigate into position as the Dagger fleet arrives. In the distance, the incoming reapers stand out against a backdrop of Earth and the destruction of war in the space above it as Sword battles the invading armada.

"Confirming visual on Harbinger and two reaper destroyers," Joker relays to Dagger. "Fleet, report."

"Turian 7th Fleet squad ready," Lieutenant Cyrex Kalizen announces as three Turian fighter ships arrive at the rendezvous point.

"N7s and Tridents reporting in." N7 Special Tactics Operative Valentine is next to report in. Her team consists of five ships: two N7 Stealth Ravens and three Trident Fighters.

"Mantis team here." Zaeed Massani, founder of the Blue Suns and recent Normandy squad member, joins Dagger with two former-Cerberus gunships and two modified Mantis gunships.

"Zaeed. Nice of you to join us, old man," Joker remarks with a smirk.

"Watch it, kid," the mercenary responds, sounding only partially threatening.

The battle-scarred merc made killing and destruction his life's work, but something about him changed after the Omega-4 Relay mission. Then again, Shepard seemed to have that effect on everyone. Even Jack and Grunt left the Normandy very different individuals than they started out. Joker smiles to himself briefly. In spite of the loss and tragedy of this war, seeing old teammates provides a small comfort.

"Dagger, prepare for first contact. We all know the objective. Take these reapers out before they get anywhere near the Citadel or the Crucible. Harbinger is bringing backup, so we'll be splitting into smaller groups but the basic strategy is still the same," Joker explains to the fleet.

"Strike when the reapers are powering an attack and get the hell out of the way when they're firing. Don't let them lock on to you," he continues. "The key target point is the central energy core located right behind the prime oculus on each ship. Causing enough damage to that core will destabilize the entire ship."

"Roger that. Getting into formation," Operative Valentine responds.

"Preparing for first strike." Cyrex and his team take an offensive position.

"Here we go! Let's give 'em hell!" Zaeed shouts.

Joker hears the team leaders relaying commands as Dagger gets into position. The N7 ships and Tridents immediately settle into the customary yet effective wolfpack formation. They will be taking on one of the destroyers. The Mantis team and the Turian 7th Fleet fighters will target the second destroyer.

The Normandy is going up against Harbinger, the largest and deadliest of the reapers. Joker adjusts his SR-2 cap. His ship is ready and so is he. After everything Harbinger has done, especially the attack on the SR-1, this fight is personal.

"Normandy locking on to target. Thanix cannons ready," he states as he checks the targeting system.

The reapers are getting closer by the second. Harbinger charges towards the Dagger fleet with the two destroyers following closely on either side. Joker's heart begins to race. The cannons are primed and ready to fire, but he has to wait for the right time, for the perfect shot to do the most damage.

He flies the Normandy directly towards the colossal reaper as the other Dagger teams move forward to meet the destroyers. As the ship moves in closer to Harbinger, the imposing nemesis stretches its dark metal limbs outward towards the frigate, its large red oculus beginning to glow. This is it. The bullseye.

Joker fires the Normandy's primary weapons before Harbinger can launch its laser attack. The blue glow of the powerful twin Thanix cannons slice through the inky vacuum of space, hitting the target with spectacular precision and causing a shower of sparks.

"I know you feel this, you son of a bitch!" he shouts. This fight has been a long time coming.

"Direct hit," EDI confirms. "Harbinger's core still operational. Full shielding active."

The reaper immediately begins to pull back and upwards, taking a more vertical position to cover the targeted core. The Normandy's cannons need time to recharge. Joker glances at the status screen. Full recharge in T-minus 15 seconds. The ship's secondary weapons, however, are ready. He banks a sharp right before flying downwards to aim at the reaper's limbs. Another vulnerable spot.

The sounds of Dagger's assault pour through the comm as they engage the destroyers not far away. As Joker maneuvers the Normandy into position, he can see Zaeed and the gunships unleashing a barrage of heavy missiles while the agile turian fighter ships provide cover and keep the reaper's targeting system busy.

Joker launches the Javelin missiles at Harbinger they impact, resulting in plumes of smoke that seep from the reaper's limbs.

"Harbinger is preparing to counterattack," EDI warns.

He pulls the Normandy swiftly away from the reaper. "Taking evasive maneuvers."

The SR-2 glides upward and away from the glowing red core. Harbinger fires two crimson beams directly at the ship, one catching the edge of the Normandy's outer left thruster. The impact shakes the frigate violently even with the CBT barriers reflecting the brunt of the attack. Joker quickly steadies the ship and spins it around to face Harbinger as EDI checks the thruster status.

"Damage minimal. Thruster functioning at 89%."

"I can live with that," Joker quips. He glances at the Thanix weapon status. Fully charged and ready. "Firing primary now."

The cannons' beams reach their crimson target for another direct hit. Harbinger's core goes dark as Joker swings the Normandy around the reaper in a large arc, checking on the rest of Dagger. Some of the ships have already taken considerable damage, but the fleet seems to be holding strong against the destroyers. Both of the smaller reapers are visibly damaged, though the flares of red lasers cutting through the smoke and dust reminds him that this battle is far from over.

In the distance, two massive Alliance dreadnoughts move towards Dagger. The SSV Logan and SSV Orizaba.

"The Citadel arms are opening," EDI suddenly announces. "Hackett's team is docking the Crucible now."

He grins as he adjusts the ship's angle to get a view of the Citadel. The arms slowly extending outwards remind him of a flower blooming.

"Shepard did it! I knew she would. Now let's hold up our end of the bargain," he says as he returns his focus to Harbinger. _We will win this. I know it. Just like I knew Shepard would get the job done._

"Wait? They're retreating?" one of the Trident pilots exclaims.

"I doubt that," Cyrex commands over the comm. "Do not stop the attack!"

Joker looks at their enemies. Harbinger and the other two reapers begin to move backwards. _They're pulling away, but why? To regroup? It doesn't make sense._

The Normandy moves forward with the other Dagger ships and Joker prepares the SR-2's primary and secondary weapons. His pulse seems to echo in his head as he realizes what the reapers are doing. They continue to move back and angle themselves towards a new set of targets: Shield and the moving Crucible.

"Bloody hell! It's going to attack the Crucible!" Zaeed yells.

"Dagger, we can not let those reapers through!" Joker commands the fleet. "Hold the line at all costs!"

"On it! Running a blockade!" Valentine responds as her team moves to intercept the enemy.

"Gunships! Move now!" Zaeed orders.

"Normandy, be advised, the Orizaba and Logan are moving into position. We'll form a secondary blockade and provide some backup fire."

In spite of the static on the comm, he knows who it is. The ship name just confirms it. Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard. Commander Shepard's mother.

"Aye aye, ma'am," Joker responds as the dreadnoughts get into place midway between Dagger's location and the Crucible.

The precision fighters move accordingly to allow the powerful battleships a clear line of fire as they continue a close-range assault. The reapers acknowledge the dreadnoughts' arrival as they attack Dagger with a renewed vengeance, vicious streaks of crimson lashing at the fleet. Within seconds, a Mantis gunship falls victim to Harbinger's dual lasers. The ship and its pilot disintegrate quickly, leaving a cloud of smoldering wreckage and smoke.

Joker locks on to Harbinger and fires the cannons again. Though narrowly missing the reaper's energy core directly, the Normandy's attack prevents the hulking foe from locking on to the other Dagger ships or the Crucible. The dreadnoughts begin their assault as well, the high-velocity guns impacting the reapers' exteriors with a shower of smoldering black metal fragments.

The Stealth Ravens and Tridents concentrate fire on the most heavily damaged reaper, hoping to bring it down quickly. Dark smoke surrounds the destroyer as portions of its thick plated exterior burn, casting a hazy orange glow around it. The SSV Orizaba focuses on the weakened reaper as well, its heavy weapons continue to cut into the enemy.

The dying reaper counters with a final attack, striking the closest target, a Trident. The powerful beam easily cuts through the bottom hull of the fighter, causing it to explode. The fleet quickly finishes the destroyer off in a fiery blast. The dark alien ship seems to shatter like glass in slow motion within the vacuum of space as the debris is propelled outward from the explosion.

"One reaper down," Cyrex confirms over the comm.

The Normandy moves in for another attack on Harbinger and prepares for the it to counter, but the reaper's charging weaponry angles away from the frigate before firing the dual-crimson lasers directly at the Orizaba. It hits the dreadnought hard despite the distance. The impact pushes the battleship backwards as a quick series of violent explosions erupt from the ship.

Joker immediately fires the Thanix at Harbinger effectively interrupting the strike on the dreadnought and causing the reaper to pull back. The damage to the Orizaba is already done however.

"Orizaba, come in. What's your status?" he asks frantically over the comm. "Rear Admiral Shepard, do you copy?"

He hears static and loud booming sounds over the voice of Hannah Shepard ordering everyone to evacuate the ship immediately. The SSV Logan's captain commands his crew to begin rescue procedures and pick up the escape pods.

"Normandy, we've taken major damage. Evac protocols in effect." She finally replies over the comm. "The Orizaba's heavy artillery remains functional and we will continue to assist Dagger."

_What? She can't be..._ "But Rear Admiral-"

"Lieutenant Moreau, do NOT stop the assault on the reapers. That's an order!" Her authoritative voice and rank leave no room for further arguments.

"Understood, ma'am," Joker replies reluctantly.

He can hear more noise and bits of conversation between Rear Admiral Shepard and the Orizaba's pilot. Joker tenses as his fears are confirmed. They would not be evacuating with the rest of the crew. They'd keep the dreadnought's main guns firing at the reapers. They were going down with the ship.

Joker scowls and turns his attention back to Harbinger as it aims for the dreadnoughts again just as the second group of escape pods launch. The SR-2's cannons are not ready so he furiously rushes the ship closer to Harbinger. Close enough to see the dents and punctures in its thick armored exterior.

"Launching Javelins!" he announces. The missiles barrel into Harbinger resulting in more dark gray smoke. It manages to keep it from attacking the dreadnoughts again.

The Normandy begins preparing for another attack as Harbinger recharges. On the SR-2's starboard side, the turian fighters finish off the remaining destroyer. The ensuing blast and heavy wreckage envelops one of the turian ships. The SSV Orizaba stops firing as well, the dreadnought going completely dark as the comm link cuts from loud static to silence.

"We've lost the Orizaba," Valentine confirms solemnly.

"God damn it!" Joker curses under his breath.

They've lost too much. Three Dagger ships and the Orizaba. They couldn't lose anymore. The destroyers are gone, but Harbinger is still functional and deadly. The two red beams continue slicing through the remnants of the demolished reapers and Dagger ships alike.

"Jeff...," EDI calls out to him, her voice sounding strange. Joker immediately glances at her while trying to keep his attention on the battle and the controls at the same time. What he sees makes his blood run ice cold.

Her visor is covered in a stream of glowing red digital code. Reaper code. The advanced AI's normally gray eyes are also glowing and red. _No, not EDI. This is NOT happening!_

"EDI?" he asks as the anger and frustration he felt just seconds before are replaced by alarm and dread. "EDI? What's going on? Talk to me."

"Harbinger is...," she attempts to explain, but her voice is interrupted by a sharp loud blare of electronic sounds.

"EDI! No!" Joker yells, his pulse skyrocketing as he tries to divide his attention between EDI and the battle. "Come on! Fight it! You're stronger."

"I... can't... it's trying to rewrite..." she struggles to reply through the jarring electronic noise.

"No. No. No. Don't do this to me. I need you. Fight back, EDI! You can do this!"

In spite of the remaining Dagger fighters continuing their close range assault, Harbinger prepares for an attack on the Normandy, taking advantage of the confusion in the frigate's cockpit. It angles its massive body directly at the Alliance ship.

"Joker! Watch out!" Zaeed shouts a warning through the comm. "Harbinger's locked on to the Normandy!"

Joker turns his attention back to the battle, banking the ship sharply to evade Harbinger's attack. The reaper's laser is faster. It clips the underside hull of the SR-2, the impact sending the ship into a savage twist.

As he struggles to stabilize the Normandy, Joker glances over at EDI and all time seems to stop for a moment. Her body is slumped down in her copilot seat, arms limp at her sides.

"EDI," he whispers sadly.

A flash from his console indicates the Thanix cannons are charged and ready to fire. He has to take the shot. There's too much riding on this.

As Joker flies into position for the next attack, he sees silver movement in his peripheral vision. Instantly he turns to see EDI moving slowly at first then sitting up and straight arms moving towards the controls. For a heartbeat, his hope is overclouded by fear that Harbinger is now controlling her. But he realizes that the red code is gone.

"EDI, what the hell just happened?" he asks cautiously.

"I am fine, Jeff," she replies, her synthetic voice back to normal. "Harbinger will not control me. Not now or ever." She examines the Normandy's status screens and quickly begins analyzing the damage.

"The Normandy's hull is significantly damaged. Shielding and barriers holding at 75%."

Joker exhales in relief. She's ok. But they still have Harbinger to deal with. This has to end now. Before he loses anyone else.

He locks on to the reaper and fires the Thanix weapon just as Harbinger unleashes its own attack, forcing him to dodge the lasers and the cannons to miss their target.

"Fuck!" he shouts in frustration.

"Primary weapons recharging. Full charge in T-minus 15 seconds," EDI states.

Harbinger continues to fire its lasers furiously at the Normandy and Joker continues to dodge the deadly beams. Dagger is unrelenting in their assault on the reaper. The effect of their bombardment seems to reach a tipping point as Harbinger's oculus flickers. Smoke pours from the giant foe as it begins to maneuver into a vertical position once again.

"Harbinger's core has sustained significant damage and its barriers have been compromised," EDI confirms. "It's vulnerable to attack."

"This is it, Dagger! Fire away! Hit it with everything you've got!" Joker orders the fleet. He glances up at the Thanix weapon's status. 11 seconds to go.

Dagger surrounds the damaged reaper causing Harbinger to return fire.

"Launching Javelins," Joker announces, the missiles striking Harbinger's front panels. The laser stutters, cutting out as the oculus continues to move. It shifts to aim past the fleet before it flickers back to life.

"It's aiming for the Crucible again!" shouts one of the turian pilots.

The red glow from Harbinger's damaged core grows brighter, directly in line with the SSV Logan as the dreadnought picks up the last few escape pods.

"No, it's going to hit the Logan!" Joker's pulse races. The cannons aren't ready and the Javelins aren't in place yet. _Shit! Not again!_

"Not if I can bloody help it!" Zaeed yells.

Joker looks over at the mercenary's gunship as it rushes straight towards Harbinger.

"Zaeed! What the hell are you doing?" he shouts back.

"Can't let you and Shepard have all the glory. I'm buying you some time to finish the job, Joker."

Harbinger's energy core reaches its max charge and all Joker can do is watch as Zaeed dodges the reaper's crimson laser before barreling full-speed into it. A fireball engulfs the Mantis and the reaper core, heavy black smoke hanging over the impact point.

"Harbinger's systems appear to be shutting down entirely," EDI says, bringing Joker's awareness back to the objective. "Shields are destroyed. Energy core failing."

The Dagger fleet wastes no time moving forward to take advantage the enemy's weakened state. Joker lines the Normandy up with Harbinger locking on to it.

"This one's for Zaeed!" he declares before firing the now-charged Thanix weaponry. The streams of blue light illuminating the debris and smoke hanging in the space between the Normandy and Harbinger. It strikes the destroyed oculus directly, resulting in a series of powerful explosions as the reaper breaks apart, finally defeated.

"Harbinger terminated," EDI confirms with a calm yet triumphant tone.

The Normandy crew erupts in a chorus of cheers and relieved sighs.

"Good job, Dagger," Joker says adjusting his cap again. "Regroup with Shield ASAP. The reapers might move on the Crucible in force since Harbinger couldn't get past us. Be ready."

He exhales deeply, the adrenaline previously coursing through his veins during the battle is dissipating fast. Ache and weariness are setting in. A holographic screen to his left catches his eye. It's the log of comm channels, several connections marked as lost. Joker frowns at the sight of "Zaeed Massani" and "SSV Orizaba".

"EDI, how's she looking?" he asks, pulling his eyes away from the channels screen.

"I'm initiating return to normal energy ranges. Redirecting appropriate power to stealth drive and CBT barrier," she replies. "Wing structure has external damage. Shielding in place at hull breach and holding. Drive core output stable."

"What about the Orizaba? Can we help pick up the survivors?" he asks quietly.

"The Logan has already picked up all surviving crew from the escape pods," she replies solemnly.

Joker is about to ask about Hannah Shepard but stops himself, dreading the finality of the answer. He already knows. The Rear Admiral and the dreadnought pilot sacrificed their lives to help Dagger stop Harbinger.

He remembers his conversation with her on Earth, when she came to see the Commander. _Shepard is so much like her. _His heart sinks as he thinks of telling Shepard about her mother. He sighs quietly. This war's taken so many people out of his life, yet mourning would have to wait.

"Can we get the squad or Admiral Hackett's link back?" he asks.

"I'm repairing the connections now."

There is something he wants to say to her, but he pauses, thinking of what exactly to say and how to say it.

"I thought I'd lost you for a moment there, EDI," he finally speaks softly. "What happened?"

EDI turns to look at him.

"Harbinger recognized the reaper code in my programming, perhaps due to proximity. It tried to control me with what essentially amounts to reaper logic. Likely similar in many ways to the means Sovereign used to gain control the geth heretics. But I was able to counter it."

She pauses thoughtfully for a second, not sure if she should say this out loud. But the realization, the fear she felt when Harbinger tried to rewrite her programming, makes her want to tell him. She was afraid to die. And that fear awakened her sense of mortality. Life is too short, organic and synthetic life alike.

"I am more than just code and synthetic materials. I understand that now, Jeff. You and Shepard gave me that understanding. If not for you, I don't know that I could have stopped Harbinger's reprogramming."

"I'm just happy you're ok, EDI," Joker confesses. "I don't know what I would've done if... if I lost you." It's his turn to pause now though it just creates an awkward silence. He's never been one for talking about his feelings in the first place, and his new relationship with the unshackled AI is completely uncharted territory.

"I mean it's not like I couldn't manage the Normandy on my own. Hell, I know this ship better than anyone," he states. "But then I'd have to read though all the daily status reports and handle all the systems adjustments. It'd be a whole thing."

Joker smiles, shrugging nonchalantly. It isn't what he meant to say, but it's the best he can do right now. He hopes she understands the hidden subtext.

"I feel the same way about you, Jeff," EDI says knowingly before turning back to the console in front of her. "Although according to my calculations, I could run the Normandy 8.23% more efficiently without you."

He laughs quietly. _And that's why I love you, EDI._

The moment's indulgence is over quickly as the current situation pushes into the forefront of his mind again. Harbinger is dead, but the Commander and the squad are still out there.

"I'm heading in towards the Citadel," Joker declares.

The Normandy gracefully races past the floating wreckage of the battle, most of it the remains of Harbinger.

"I wish Shepard was here to see Harbinger blown to pieces. She would've loved it," he says dolefully.

"We will show her the vids once she's back aboard the Normandy, Jeff," EDI responds confidently. "We've captured the battle with at least three of the ship's cameras. Perhaps we should make a montage of the footage set to something classical? Maybe Ride of the Valkyries?"

Joker knows she's trying to raise his spirits. He's grateful.

"You know what, EDI? That's not a bad idea. Oh and we definitely need slow motion on the explosions. Shepard's a big fan of those."

His smile falls into a pensive expression as he looks beyond the floating debris of the Orizaba and towards the next destination. _Hold on, Shepard. We're coming._

The SR-2 glides quickly towards the Citadel and the Crucible, the large metal structures getting larger in the windshield of the ship's cockpit as the frigate gets closer. They've already come so far. The Crucible is complete. Harbinger is gone. Shepard and Anderson are on the Citadel. Everything that had been deemed impossible, they'd accomplished. The worry Joker felt for Shepard prior to Operation: Dagger is diminished somewhat, now replaced with hope and determination. They would win this. He can feel it. The tide is turning in this war.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

Thank you so much for the awesome comments and fave alerts! When I first started writing this, it was just because I had these "what if" ideas in my head. I never expected that anyone would even care to read it, so to have all these kind comments completely blows me away!

Sorry for the delay. I hope I haven't lost too many of you. I can't believe it's taken me so long to finish these latest chapters. Moving forward, I'm hoping it won't take more than 2-3 weeks for updates.

This is something of a missing moment in the game for me. I really wanted to have a space-boss-battle against Harbinger by controlling the Normandy! (Kind of like that boss battle from Metal Gear Solid 4 where it's Metal Gear Ray vs. Metal Gear Rex.)

Also an apology goes out to all the Zaeed fans reading this chapter. From the start, I wanted to explore the ways Shepard's previous actions and choices could impact the story. (Something I felt the game's ending didn't really show.) Sometimes it's subtle; sometimes it's more dramatic. For example, this Shepard would have stopped Zaeed from running after Vido at the cost of innocent lives during his loyalty mission in ME2, and something about that sticks with him. The events here being his redemption moment in a way. If Shepard had ended that ME2 loyalty mission another way, maybe Zaeed doesn't sacrifice himself to save the SSV Orizaba survivors, leading to other consequences later on. Or maybe he's dead by the time Operation: Dagger begins and that leads to even heavier casualties for the fighter fleet. From the Citadel survivors to Shepard's history and morality, I wanted there to be several of these moments where the impact of the past is felt, so look for more of these as the story continues.

** Chapter 8: This Mortal Coil should be up in a few minutes. **


	8. Chapter 8: This Mortal Coil

**8. This Mortal Coil**

"Wake up."

Commander Shepard hears a small voice through the dull throbbing in her head. Her eyes slowly open to dark and unfamiliar surroundings, pushing herself up onto shaky hands and knees. The metal floor is cold and her bloodstained hands stick to it.

She's not sure where she is, her vision blurry and unfocused. There's a soft droning sound in her ears and her thoughts feel as if they are in a fog as she tries to remember what happened. _I found Anderson... we stopped the Illusive Man... opened the Citadel arms..._

"Anderson?" she whispers, quiet and hoarse. The weakness of her own voice surprises her. She turns her head slowly looking for him, instead she sees the control panel she collapsed near. _But this isn't the same place. Where am I? Where's Anderson?_ He'd been a few feet away when she slipped from the controls, but she can't remember how she got to this new room. _It has to still be in the tower. The control panel's here._

Shepard shakes her head slowly, trying to shake the fog away. A small, dark form catches her attention in her peripheral vision. It's a gun. The Carnifex she found in the keeper tunnel. She reaches over and grabs it.

The dizziness and ache forces her to close her eyes again for several seconds. It seems to help. She opens them again and looks forward, towards a light coming from the center of the room. The blurriness now gone, she tries to understand what she's looking at. The light is so bright, she squints her eyes to get a better look.

It seems to be a massive energy generator of some kind. A bright white beam flares in the center of the machine with a small console in front of it. Two large devices sit on either side of the central beam, with components clearly visibly. Shepard can tell immediately that they are not perfectly identical. The one on the left, glowing blue, has a pair of conductors exposed, and light blue electric sparks travel across the points. The device on the right glows red with a clear glass cylinder surrounding several wires and tubes. It doesn't look like a typical mass effect core though it appears to be functioning in a similar way.

Beyond this strange energy core is a massive wall of windows through which she can see Earth. The war continues in front of her as Sword fights the reapers. The galactic fleet is losing ground to the hostile invaders. The sight sends a shiver through her body. _This is similar to the view from the previous room... This has to be the tower... but where in the tower exactly?_

There are so many questions and she is so tired. Her eyelids feel heavier with each and every blink, taking longer and longer to open. She fights the urge to give in to the exhaustion choosing instead to focus on the generator._ Could that be used to power the Crucible?_

The bright white glare of the central beam is so intense she doesn't notice the small illuminated figure moving towards her until she hears its voice call to her again.

"Wake up," it says to her. The childlike voice sounds oddly hollow, as if echoing within itself.

The whirring sound in Shepard's head grows more pronounced for a few moments then fades to a soft murmur. A faint hum now, the more she tries to listen to it, the dizzier she becomes. Instead she centers her attention on the small form closing in on her.

An icy blue light emanates from the mysterious figure, shimmering like stars in the darkest skies. It does not appear to be solid or holographic. It's something else entirely. Otherworldly almost. Ethereal. Small. Maybe four feet tall at the most, it walks like a human. As it gets closer she can see more details. _It looks like a human child... like him. The boy on Earth. The one from my nightmares..._

The Commander slowly pushes herself to her feet as he stops three feet in front of her. She stands still for a second just staring in disbelief at the apparition before her as she holds her side with her left arm and grips the pistol with her right.

_It is him. But how? Why is he here... like... this? _She feels cold and heavy as the guilt and the feeling of failure wash over her. Feelings she'd experienced in Vancouver during the attack. She couldn't save him. Even in her nightmares, she couldn't save him. She takes a deep but shaky breath trying to steady herself.

"What? Where am I?" she asks wearily.

"The Citadel. It's my home," the ghostly child replies.

She gazes at his glowing expressionless face for a moment before looking around at the cavernous room. There's no one else here. Only the two of them. _This can't be real. What is this?... What is he?_

"Who are you?" she asks the child cautiously.

"I am the Catalyst." Its voice is cool and without inflection.

"I thought the Citadel was the Catalyst," she says.

"No. The Citadel is part of me."

The weight of his declaration takes a moment to register in her muddled thoughts. Once it does, her mind reels with even more questions and confusion. _How can he be the Catalyst? Why does it look like that boy? Could it be a constructed interface?_ She remembers the geth consensus. Legion created the virtual gun so she would have something familiar in that completely foreign digital landscape. _Is that what this is? This kid is a part of my recent past, from my memories... can the Catalyst read my thoughts?... An ability programmed by the original race that designed it? Or is he one of them?... A reaper?_ There are so many questions but the single most important one remains.

"I need to stop the reapers. Do you know how I can do that?" The words fall from her bruised and bloodied lips. Her voice is fragile, pensive, and hopeful all at once.

"Perhaps. I control the reapers." The child turns and starts to walk towards the center of the room.

Shepard follows, slowly limping along behind it. The wound in her side is no longer bleeding but it still hurts like hell.

"They are my solution," it states flatly as it stops and turns to look at the Commander.

"The solution to what?"

"Chaos. The created will always rebel against their creators. But we found a way to stop that from happening." The glowing apparition walks in front of the central beam of light. "A way to restore order for the next cycle."

"By wiping out organic life?" she responds with disdain.

"No. We harvest advanced civilizations, leaving the younger ones alone. Just as we left your people alive the last time we were here."

Shepard stops and scowls. _The last time WE were here? It is a reaper…_

"But you killed the rest," she says sharply.

The Catalyst looks out onto the battle beyond and Commander Shepard does the same. A massive Sovereign-class reaper annihilates an Alliance dreadnought, the battleship breaking apart, engulfed in fire and smoke. Her hands shake and she grips the pistol tighter. _I have to stop this. But I don't know how..._

"We helped them ascend so they could make way for new life, storing the old life in reaper form," the ghostly being continues to explain.

Shepard frowns grimly, thinking once again of the human reaper, the ultimate abomination. She glares at the reaper-child in front of her.

"I think we'd rather keep our own form."

"No. You can't," it replies looking up at her. Its false childlike visage blank though its tone is assured, superior. "Without us to stop it, synthetics would destroy all organics. We created the cycle so that never happens. That's the solution."

The desperation is tearing her apart. She has to end this war. She's unsure of how much longer the galactic fleets can hold out against the reaper onslaught. She feels as though she's bargaining with the devil, but there is no other choice. She has to try reasoning with it, with this reaper construct.

"But you're taking away our future. Without a future, we have no hope. Without hope… we might as well be machines, programmed to do what we're told." She exhales sharply, the confusion and despair turning to anger. She would not let the reapers win. Somehow she would find a way to stop this.

"You have hope. More than you think," it says in a somewhat softer tone. Almost sympathetic. "The fact that you are standing here, the first organic ever, proves it. But it also proves my solution won't work anymore."

As the boy looks back at the central beam Shepard struggles to grasp all it's told her. The room. The Catalyst. The reapers' philosophy. It threatens to overwhelm her as the buzzing noise and lightheadedness grow stronger. She forces herself to go blank for a moment, trying to take steady breaths and slow her racing pulse.

"So now what?"

"We find a new solution," the Catalyst replies.

"Yeah. But how?"

"The Crucible changed me… created new possibilities. But I can't make them happen." It pauses and turns to look at her. "I know you thought about destroying us." It is smug and accusatory.

The Catalyst turns to the red device and Shepard's attention follows. Almost instantly, images flash in her mind. Images of Anderson walking towards the mysterious red device, his gun pointed at it. He fires several rounds into the cylindrical machine, resulting in a fiery explosion and shower of sparks as the glass casing shatters.

Shepard gasps and staggers backward. _Anderson? What is this?_ She turns to the ghostly child in horror. _It's showing me this._

"You can wipe out all synthetic life if you want. Including the geth," it says to her. "Even you are partly synthetic."

Shepard's body sways, unsteady once more, as what the Catalyst told her quickly sinks in. This couldn't be real? Could it? She would be able to destroy them. Here. Now. Just by destroying that red glowing device. But of course there would be a dire consequence. That isn't lost on her. All other synthetics would be destroyed as well. The geth. EDI. This war has to end but could she sacrifice an entire race, an entire form of life for it? _What if it's the only way? _She takes a deep breath, the air feeling ice cold as it fills her lungs.

"But the reapers would be destroyed?" The reapers are the biggest threat to all life in the galaxy. If she didn't stop them, then nearly every species would be wiped out. Not just the geth.

"Yes. But the peace won't last. Soon, your children will create synthetics, and then the chaos will come back."

"Maybe," she responds. Her head is pounding. She closes her eyes for a moment, trying to make sense of what it's just told her.

"Or do you think you can control us?" The Catalyst asks as it turns toward the blue device on the left. Another vision takes over Commander Shepard's mind. This time it's the Illusive Man. The device has two conductors through which brilliant blue currents of energy flow violently. He reaches out to them with his hand and pushes into the energy stream which quickly begin to envelope his entire body, surging through him.

She cringes. _They can be controlled._ "So the Illusive Man was right after all."

"Yes. But he could never have taken control, because we already controlled him." There is something about its tone that causes a shiver to run through her body.

"But I can?" she asks suspiciously, eyeing the spectral child.

"You will die. You will control us, but you will lose everything you have."

"But the reapers will obey me?" Could this be the only way to stop the reapers and spare the geth?

"Yes. But there is another solution."

"Yeah?"

He looks toward the bright central beam and her gaze follows. "Synthesis."

"And that is?"

"Add your energy to the Crucible's. Everything you are will be absorbed and then sent out. The chain reaction will combine all synthetic and organic life into a new framework. A new… DNA."

"I… I don't know." She is unsure about this. It feels wrong somehow. The very concept of it, even if it is possible, fills her with apprehension.

"Why not?" The Catalyst asks, as if sensing her unease. "Synthetics are already a part of you. Can you imagine your life without them?"

"And there will be peace?"

It nods. "The cycle will end. Synthesis is the final evolution of life, but we need each other to make it happen. You have a difficult decision. Releasing the energy of the Crucible will end the cycle, but it will also destroy the mass relays. The paths are open. But you have to choose."

Commander Shepard stares at the central beam. _Synthesis. Could that be the answer?_ She shifts her gaze to the view of the battle in the space beyond the Citadel, her heart pounding in her chest. _I have to choose. I have to end this war now or we'll lose everything. Everything we've done to stop the reapers... it will all be for nothing..._

The droning in her head flares and she shuts her eyes tightly, tries to focus on her thoughts on what the Catalyst has told her. She takes another deep breath. _Ok, Shepard. Think this through._ She opens her eyes, pushing the fear and doubt away. She needs to focus now. This is too important.

She turns towards the device on the right. The red. Destroy the reapers. It's what she'd set out to do from the very beginning. That has always been the main objective. What they fought for. What they bled for. What lives have been sacrificed for. Her crew. Her friends. Anderson, Ash, Thane, Mordin, and Legion. _Legion… the geth… there IS peace with the geth now. The Catalyst is wrong._ She turns to it.

"The geth are now self-aware AIs and they ARE peaceful towards organics," she says defiantly.

The Catalyst stares at her, unblinking. It looks slightly amused.

"The peace won't last," it states nonchalantly. "It will only be a matter of time before they turn against you and proceed to wipe out all organic life in the galaxy."

She shakes her head in frustration. _That can't be true. How does he know for sure that will happen? _She has to rethink this. She can't choose that option, can she? Could she commit genocide to end this war? Wouldn't that make her no better than the reapers? _No. No, this isn't the right solution. Sacrificing all synthetics would be sacrificing too much._

She frowns as she turns to look at the blue glowing conductors to the left. It's what the Illusive Man was so desperate for. _Control... Would the reapers really allow that?_

Even if they left the galaxy by her command, what would stop them from returning in a decade or so? Selecting this option couldn't keep them away forever, could it? She doesn't trust the reapers enough to believe it will. But then why should she trust any of these so-called solutions? She feels weak and unsteady again as she brings her left hand to her forehead. She glances up at the view. Earth is burning. The fleets are getting crushed. She has to make the right choice that will stop this war. It all comes down to this.

Shepard moves shakily and slowly toward the central beam. Getting closer, she can see a faint green glow to the energy pulsing through the small amplifiers at the panel in front of it. This is synthesis. _If the Catalyst is right... this would be the only way to ensure peace between the organics and synthetics._ She continues to take slow, uneven steps forward. _It's the best option isn't it? There could be peace. The cycle wouldn't need to continue. It's the final evolution of life…_

Still something pulls at her. Doubt consumes her. There is something about that idea, that dogma, that reminds her of something she's heard before. Words spoken by an enemy from the past swirl in her head. She cries out in shock, the realization hitting her like a tidal wave. _Saren. It was Saren... _She slowly steps backwards, away from the celadon-tinted energy.

The Commander looks in distress at the three devices. First, the blue. Then at the green. And lastly, at the red. These devices, these solutions, presented by the Catalyst to save the galaxy, these were the deepest desires and the motivations for three. The Illusive Man. Saren. Anderson. A feeling of nausea comes over her and she closes her eyes.

"You have to make a choice. The fate of the galaxy is up to you," the Catalyst presses her, sounding insistent and irritated. "You MUST decide now or it will be too late. And we will continue to end this cycle just as we have always done."

The humming sound reaches a crescendo. She brings both hands to her head as she spins around to face the Catalyst. Angry tears form in her eyes. They had her. This whole time. They were trying to get to her. And now they had her. She remembers the phrase she used to describe what everyone thought of Saren Artierus. A rogue spectre chasing ghosts. Only that was her now. That's what she'd become isn't it? Just a rogue spectre chasing ghosts.

A yell of frustration escapes her as she shakes her head. _No. This can't be happening. After everything... after coming this far! _Her heart beats so fast it feels like it could explode. She opens her eyes looking at the "Catalyst". It took the form of the boy from the Alliance HQ, the one she couldn't save. But that was the point wasn't it? To prey on her need to protect the vulnerable. To fight the good fight. To save those in danger. The memory of that day and of the nightmares that followed. She recalls them all. Had he even been real in the first place? Had the reapers been trying to get to her all this time? To indoctrinate her? The thought make her hands tremble with rage.

_No. No. This isn't how this is going to end. I wont let them win. I have not lost this yet._ She's still her. Still Commander Shepard. And she is not going down without a fight. She raises the Carnifex with her right arm, taking a step towards the reaper-created mirage.

"You're making a massive error." Its voice angry and deeper, completely mismatched to the child-image before her. "We've given you the only chance to save the organics. Why are you so determined to waste it? Will you really choose to doom the races of this cycle, Shepard?"

_The kid on Earth... He's not real. He never was._ The betrayal turns to another realization, a more hopeful one. They can't fool her anymore. She won't let the reapers use her. Not like they did with Saren or the Illusive Man. Not like they undoubtedly tried to do with Anderson. The Admiral. She knows there's no way he ever could be indoctrinated. The reapers may have tried, may have planned on turning him. But it never would have worked on Anderson. He was too strong. She's determined to make him proud of her. To avenge him and end this once and for all. She'd make this right.

Shepard takes several steps, steadier now, towards the Catalyst. She feels different, the droning dissipated. The throbbing in her head has stopped. She feels like herself again and she mentally connects the dots. There is something the Catalyst said to her. It's the only truthful thing it said. It's something that makes her thinks she could still end this war and stop the reapers.

"You gave yourself away. I didn't realize it until just now," she says, though her voice still hoarse, there's a fiery, resolute tone to it. "You said I was the first organic to make it this far. But you didn't think it would be me. Not at first. Those choices, those are what the others would have wanted, and you thought I'd choose from one of them. This is your failsafe isn't it?" She still has the gun pointed towards the Catalyst. It looks at her coldly.

"When Sovereign connected to the Citadel tower, it wasn't just to signal the reaper fleet in dark space. It was to add this program with these three constructs based on the three organics you had your sights on for indoctrination. You calculated it to be a possibility in this cycle, so you implanted the failsafe... But I'm not them."

"We have given you a gift. A chance to save the organics of this cycle," it declares, booming and furious. "You will regret this, Shepard. We will harvest you. This cycle will end in our victory just like every cycle before unless you make your choice from the options we've given you."

"No," she replies, defiant and unfaltering. "I will never let the reapers decide our future. We control our own destiny."

The Commander pulls the trigger, the round penetrating the ethereal form, causing it to break apart like a puff of smoke or a biotic flare dispersing.

The room suddenly begins to darken and for a moment she fears that the reapers are attempting to control her again. As she looks around the darkened room, she knows that's not the case. She turns slowly towards the center of the room. Moments earlier where the three devices had been, there are now three other devices. Only these are not glowing red, blue, or green, nor are they designed as they appeared before. These are all identical. Glass-covered cylinders partially covering pulsing beams of white light. The soft glow fills the area of the platform.

In the center, behind the middle cylinder, is a large mass effect core. It radiates the purplish glow of a typical mass effect core but this one is different. It's unique, refined somehow. The bolts of energy from the core cast a series of violet flickering light throughout the space. Behind this core is nothing. Just a dark metal wall. No windows that look out on the battle over Earth. Only dark metal and nothing more. Shepard smiles to herself. This is it. The true Catalyst.

She's certainly no engineer or tech expert, but she understands the basics of how this machine will work. She can still appreciate this. Simple yet elegant. The three devices aren't just conductors. They're amplifiers. They will increase the power of the core exponentially when looped into the charge provided by the Crucible. She breaks from her admiration. She still has to make sure the Catalyst will work with the Crucible and fire, but how?

She holsters the Carnifex at her side and scans the rest of the room before moving over to the edge of walkway. Looking down, she can't make out anything in the darkness below. _This must be the pinnacle of the tower. _She doesn't know much about it, except that it's not considered usable space and was designated a keepers-access only sector fairly soon after the asari discovered the Citadel. _Makes sense... This is where Sovereign latched on. It must have known the Catalyst was here._

Towards the end of the walkway opposite the core is where she woke up, where the reaper apparition came to her. _There's the control panel. The same one I used to open the Citadel arms._ She looks at the ground as she moves towards the controls. It's not part of the walkway. It's a moveable platform of some kind. Shepard steps onto it and looks at the controls. They're completely new. Different from the ones she examined earlier to open the arms.

She starts the holographic interface cautiously. Within moments her hope surges anew, realizing that she can understand these new controls perfectly. A diagram of the Catalyst and its status flashes on the screen before her.

CONNECTION DETECTED.

The diagram shows the three amplifiers. They're blinking on the screen.

ENERGY IN BALANCE. BEGIN WEAPON ACTIVATION?

That was it. That was the reapers' goal. Commander Shepard turns her head towards the central core. The false Catalyst and its solutions. All lies. The choices were never real. They would have the same effect in the end no matter which option. They all involved interfering with the energy flow. Causing an unbalance and making the Catalyst unusable, causing a massive meltdown. If she had chosen any of the reapers' options, she could have destroyed the Citadel and the Crucible.

She looks back at the console and enters the commands to activate the Catalyst. A second blinking screen appears and she carefully examines it. She gasps. It's asking for a target selection. She grips the edges of the console. A cold feeling spreads in her chest. The system has the ability to analyze lifeforms. The reapers are not the only option to target. Turian, human, asari, krogan, salarian, quarian, geth, and others. All here.

The revelation that the Catalyst and Crucible together have the potential to destroy any race in the galaxy, sends of flood of worry over her. _That's the catch isn't it? The price of having a weapon so powerful..._

She slowly inhales and exhales. She needs to deal with the reapers first. The potential repercussions of the super-weapon would have to wait. Shepard sets the target to the reapers. The next screen displays the energy output readings. It uses the Citadel's own mass effect cores to charge up the force for the weapon. The energy would be transferred through the amplifiers and finally through the Catalyst's mass effect core, but it would need to divert the Citadel's gravity systems power to work.

Shepard enters the final commands and an alert flashes across the holographic interface.

WARNING: GRAVITATIONAL FIELDS OF STATION WILL BEGIN TO DISSIPATE. EVACUATION ADVISED.

Additional data on the screen informs her that the weapon will fire once the Catalyst is at full capacity. The discharge of energy upon firing will result in an overload of the mass relay network which will require manual repairs and restarts.

Shepard sighs with relief. She did it. This is it. The reapers would be destroyed. The relays could be repaired. The Citadel would still be intact as well. The Catalyst core glows powerfully. The bright light filling the room now and the glass-cylinder covers lower over the amplifiers.

_You were right, Anderson. There's always another way. _

She activates the platform controls to return to the lower level. Now that the gravity fields were beginning to weaken, she had to try and get off the Citadel with the Admiral. If there's any chance he's still alive, she'd get them out of this. Hopefully, they could find a functional aircar and get out of there. Maybe one of the Shield vessels would be close enough to pick them up. And Garrus.

"Garrus," Shepard whispers his name with a smile on her face.

She's exhausted but the job is finally done and now they could try putting his retirement plan into action. She'd head back to Earth and meet up with him. Somewhere in the back of her mind the doubt is present, lurking, but she doesn't let it intrude. She's earned this much at least, this glimmer of hope.

Besides, he was so far behind her in the push for the beam. Garrus and Liara are ok. She has to believe that they are. It's what kept her going, what got her this far. She lets her exhausted mind wander for a few seconds, indulging in reverie about what the future could hold. She chuckles softly to herself as she imagines Garrus chasing a defiant krogan toddler around the Normandy's Crew Deck.

As the platform lowers, Commander Shepard pulls her thoughts away from the sanguine and towards the consuming darkness around her.

"Anderson?" she calls out. "Anderson, can you hear me?" There's no response.

When the platform settles, she scans the small, dark circular room. Her heart feels as if its being ripped from her chest when she finally spots the Admiral.

"Anderson!" she yells, rushing toward him.

Admiral Anderson is lying in a large pool of blood, a gaping wound in his abdomen. Much larger than the wound from the pistol. His arms and legs are riddled with deep lacerations.

"Anderson! What happened?" she asks frantically, checking his pulse. It's faint. Barely there.

He slowly opens his eyes and looks up at her.

"Shepard?" His eyes are glazed, unfocused. His voice is weak.

"Anderson, what happened?" she repeats.

"The Illusive Man..." his voice is nearly a whisper.

She looks to where the Illusive Man's lifeless body had been earlier. Only now there's nothing. Just the smooth metal floor and wet puddles of red and black.

She looks back to Anderson. "He did this? How?"

"I tried to stop him. He's a full husk now... A monster... mutated. He knows you activated the Catalyst. He's going to try to damage the Crucible… try to keep it from firing somehow."

Anderson groans in pain. Shepard reaches for his hand and holds it. He squeezes back weakly. He feels so cold.

"I managed to get a few shots in, but I don't think it did much good. Shepard… You have to stop him."

"I can't leave you here," she replies, shaking her head.

"Yes, you can. You have to. This is over for me." He pulls his hand away from hers to detach a dog tag from his neck and gives it to her. "But you still have a mission to complete, soldier. Go... now... and be careful, Shepard. He's..."

His voices trails off and his eyelids close.

"Admiral?" she pleads. "Come on, stay with me... Anderson..." She checks his pulse again in vain. He's gone. The tears well in her eyes but she blinks them away. She wouldn't let the Illusive Man get away with this.

Commander Shepard looks down at her clenched fist holding the Admiral's dog tag and opens it to look at the dirty, bloodstained object. There's something final, absolute, and agonizing about holding this small piece of metal in her palm. Anderson is gone. He wouldn't be getting up to give other command, to fight another battle. She attaches the dog tag to the chain around her neck holding her own.

"I won't let you down, Admiral," she whispers as she gently places his hand on the ground before reluctantly letting go.

She stands and readies her gun before following a trail of black blood. Reaper husk blood. She moves swiftly towards the exit. The doorway isn't the same place she came in from. There's a new pathway. The room shifted somehow. Maybe the keepers did it, or activating the Catalyst caused the shift.

Shepard makes her way through the tunnels. She thinks about Anderson, and about Garrus and her crew. She feels deep down that he's still alive. No, not just feels it. She knows it. And she's determined to keep it that way.

She also acknowledges another feeling. This one less pleasant. This would likely be it. Her final mission. She's injured. Exhausted. This might be the last fight, but she has to stop the Illusive Man. No matter the cost. She can accept that she could die here. If she can save the galaxy from the reapers, save the people she loves, it will be worth it. A small price to pay. A sacrifice she'd make a thousand times over. She's ready.

_Garrus, I'm sorry. _A soft sob escapes her as she thinks of him. _Looks like that retirement plan isn't going to work out... But I'm going to finish this... for you, for everyone we care about. I love you, Garrus. Where ever you are, I hope you know that..._

Commander Shepard steps out of the tunnel and on to the Presidium. Pausing for a moment to stare out onto the destruction, before continuing further into the open area. The formerly pristine Citadel is destroyed, tarnished, covered in debris and blood. The dead are everywhere. Innocent casualties of this war and each are reminders of why she fights. Why she won't let the Illusive Man sabotage the Crucible. And why she won't let the reapers win.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

Thanks for reading! Things are going to begin to really deviate from the in-game ending. Playing through ME3, I wish there would have been a 4th option. It always felt like you were playing into the reapers' hands by selecting any of the 3 in-game options. (Sadly you had no choice if you wanted to complete the game.)

But with this new option comes a revelation that could potentially have major consequences for the galaxy. A weapon as powerful as the Crucible can't exist without having serious implications. (Also when I think of the original race who gave rise to something as dangerous as the reapers, I think they must have had their own inclinations towards mass destruction.)


End file.
